Jesus wept

This Thanksgiving was not a typical time of reflecting on the blessings of the past year, feasting and optimistically looking forward to the upcoming holiday season. Instead, I was awakened early that morning to the news of the death of my uncle, closely followed by the tragic death of a 19 year old member of our church.

The juxtaposition of these two human losses has caused me to reflect deeply on what human death means to us as Christians. It is difficult in any circumstance for us , with our limited capabilities, to embrace death as a new beginning - no matter how deep our faith may be. It is a concept that has no concrete life experiences we can relate to, and yet is the most critical element of our spiritual development.

How do we who are left on earth react when we lose a loved one? What is the appropriate response? In the case of my uncle, a man who has suffered the past 20 years with severe health issues, our family was silently relieved. While we mourned the loss of a kind, generous, humorous and frank gentleman who lit up a room when he walked in, we were all grateful for the time we did have with him and knew in our hearts that he had lived a full life. But in the case of the 19 year old, my heart just broke with the feeling of great loss. I can't even pretend to imagine his parents grief over the loss of a child who had so much opportunity ahead of him. Why do these things happen...it just does not seem fair. I can see how someone could become very angry with God at this injustice.

So I have been searching the scripture for guidance from Jesus on how we should properly respond to these types of circumstances. My answer came from the gospel of John.

John 11:34-36 (New International Version)
"Where have you laid him?" he asked. "Come and see, Lord," they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, "See how he loved him!"

In the context of this story, Jesus delayed his travels even when he had been called to specifically to help his very dear friends Mary, Martha and Lazarus. He knew that by waiting, it would be too late to heal Lazarus when he arrived. He also knew of how much hurt and pain Mary and Martha would experience when their brother died. He knew all these things, and yet he still did not answer their calls to him. He did not answer their prayers to heal Lazarus, but instead he allowed him to die.

Martha and Mary's responses were normal human reactions. They were disappointed, they felt betrayed, they were hurt and angry with Jesus because they knew he had the capability to prevent Lazarus death and yet he did not do this one thing for them - even though they had always made it evident that they loved Jesus very much. They were very devoted followers, they supported him faithfully, and yet this one thing he did not do!!!

And when seeing their pain and grief, Jesus wept...

Even when our prayers are not answered, even when the awful, terrible, tragic occurrences of our lives must happen, even when we are angry or frustrated with God...he never stops loving. He will weep with us.

And the most important part of the story is not just that Jesus weeps with us in our times of grief, but that we in our humanness are not able to see the greater purpose. We fail to see that when God allows these tragedies to take place in our lives there really is a much larger picture that we are incapable of comprehending completely. You see, when Jesus didn't answer their call to come and help Lazarus, it was because He wanted to show us a greater opportunity - that of eternal life. When Jesus delayed his response and allowed Lazarus to die, it was to foreshadow the much greater gift we are all given as believers, that we will rise with him and live forever in completeness.

We can be angry, frustrated, and completely heartbroken when these tragedies occur, and Jesus will be right there weeping with us. But we can take comfort in the promise that he will also carry our loved ones into His Kingdom.

This is the one blessing I can pull from this particular Thanksgiving holiday. Amid all the sadness and grief, the light behind the darkness is that eternal promise.

Coloring Inside The Lines

One of my earliest and fondest memories as a child is when my dad would sit with me at the kitchen table and we would color together in one of my coloring books. It was a special "father/daughter" time for the two of us.

My father and I share many similar personality traits - and maybe some of them originated with these coloring times - but one thing we both share is the strong desire to stay "within the borders" (my father was the Chief of Police in our local township, so staying within the rules was inherent). As I reflect on our times at the table, I realize that my coloring books were a display of my approach to life. In the ritual of coloring, the first thing daddy and I would do was select the colors to boldly outline each object in the picture. By identifying these borders and marking them strongly with my crayon first, it made it easier to "stay in the lines" when I was coloring the rest of the object. Once the object was outlined, I could carefully color the inside in softer shades. I loved working inside the borders - shading along the edges, but never going outside the lines. In fact, when I would take my completed artwork to my mother, the first thing I would point out is how perfectly daddy and I stayed inside the lines...

So, from a very early age, I was trained to approach life from the outside-in. I always check the borders first. As a teenager, I would see exactly how close I could come to those borders...and unfortunately many times extended beyond the lines ;) ... but once the borders were firmly identified I would travel within. Even as an early Christian, in my very early learning stage, I was most interested in the "rules". What does being a Christian mean? What are the borders to my new identity? It has taken many years, and much soul searching for me to realize that this is a backwards approach to a life with Christ.

When I became truly baptized as a follower of Christ, this meant that Christ is abiding within me, He is inside of me and the borders are not completely identified. I must now approach life from the inside out, erasing the borders and completely relinquishing the control or direction to Christ. Tough stuff to do for one who has spent many years as a border identifier!

John 14:20 says: On that day you will realize that I am in my father, and you are in me and I am in you.

So, my coloring must start inside the object and work out to the edges, without worry of coloring inside the lines, because the borders will be identified by Christ. I can't control the edges anymore...

Stars or Fireworks

One of my family's favorite traditions is to watch the fireworks together on the 4th of July. Our special favorite is to travel to Cherry Grove Beach where we can sit on the beach and watch the fireworks as they are set off at the pier. From this vantage point, the fireworks explode right above us and seem to fill the entire sky. We have seen some pretty interesting combinations, even fireworks that explode into specific designs like smiley faces or American flags. The colors are brilliant and inspiring, and each year it seems the "Grand Finale" comes too early in the evening.

But, as much as I like fireworks, and would not want to miss our 4th of July family tradition, I must say that no matter how beautiful, amazing, unique, or inspiring these explosions of color are I always have this feeling of incompleteness at the end of the evening. The fireworks never fully satisfy my desire for a good show. It always seems that they don't last long enough, aren't full enough, don't quite finish the job...

Now, stargazing on the other hand, has more lasting impressions. Laying flat out on a secluded field gazing at the summer sky, just watching the stars in the heavens up above....well, it is a God moment to say the least. Isn't it a fantastic experience to just sit and view those pinpricks of light, knowing that their formation has never changed for thousands of years! No wonder the stars have always been an attraction to mankind. In a world where everything is changing (and it seems this is happening at an increasing pace), we can always count on the stars - and even project exactly where they will be on any given day!

If we ponder long and hard on the stars, we can also begin to develop an understanding of God's patience and timing. Imagine that when we look at the stars in our sky, we are actually seeing a light that was formed many, many years ago and is just now able to be seen here on earth. In a world where speed seems to be our measure of everything, how fast a car will go, how quickly we can travel from point to point, how fast we can receive a signal on our computers, how quickly we get an answer to our email, we even measure our time in nanoseconds...to think that the stars are still measuring and performing in light years and occurrences in the heavens today will not be viewed here on earth in our own lifetime, sort of puts God's timing in perspective. It really gives us an insight to the vastness of eternity.

In his book "The Attentive Life" by Leighton Ford he states "Stars are like messengers sent by the Creator who also made us, to lure us into pondering the meaning of it all and to consider the great end of our lives. Fireworks are like the diversions we create to keep us from facing the reality of our lives."

So in my pilgrimage, I must concentrate more on stargazing...

...and less on those distractions that prevent me from understanding the reality and perspective of my own life.

As I continue to search for my special place to have a silent retreat, I will be looking for somewhere that includes the ability to see the stars. I intend to do a lot more stargazing in the future!

Sensory Perception

Today I was re-reading The Shack in preparation for a discussion group on Tuesday. This book is indescribable in its depth. I realized again today as I was reading certain sections a second time that this is one of those magical books that I can read again and again, and always find something new that makes me think or dig deeper into my own psyche. Sometimes these journeys can be dangerous...

Today I settled on page 149 where Mack is having conversation with Jesus. I will share the portion here that sent me to a very interesting introspection:

"You mean," Mack interjected a little sarcastically, "that I can't just ask, 'What Would Jesus Do'?"
Jesus chuckled. "Good intentions, bad idea. Let me know how it works for you, if that's the way you choose to go." He paused and grew sober. "Seriously, my life was not meant to be an example to copy. Being my follower is not trying to 'be like Jesus,' it means for your independence to be killed. I came to give you life, real life, my life. We will come and live our life inside of you, so that you begin to see with our eyes, and hear with our ears, and touch with our hands, and think like we do. But, we will never force that union on you. If you want to do your thing, have at it. Time is on our side."

Now that whole concept gave me great pause. I had to take time and reflect - and even took time to lay flat out and submit some time to God on this one. To think of Jesus looking out through my eyes, hearing through my ears, touching with my hands, tasting through my taste buds all of HIS great creation it just made me sit still for a few moments. It never occurred to me before that I would be a "perceptor" or nerve ending for God.

So all day today, the world has taken on a new meaning. I am eyes and ears for God to view His creation through. That makes me want to see more clearly, listen more carefully and savor taste more accurately. Thinking that I am helping God to see the world makes everything I look at more wondrous and every emotion more poignant.

Not being one who can ever take an idea and just let it settle for a while - I had to go even further to wonder about how God is setting controls for me his little nerve ending. I find it interesting that my long distance vision continues to get worse and yet at my age (somewhere past 50) I still don't need reading glasses. Why is it difficult for me to hear when there is any background noise and why do my emotions lie so close to the surface? How is He using these quirks in my senses? So is God in His little control room pushing buttons and turning knobs that adjust these senses so that I send him just the information he wants? Perhaps my reading vision is still good because I still need to do a lot more scripture reading :o) Maybe my hearing issues are supposed to force me to listen more carefully and speak a lot less...

Whatever it does mean, I do know this - my approach to each day will be different when I remember that I am but an instrument for Jesus to have contact with the world.

Press On

Sometimes in my faith walk, I feel like I am moving a huge boulder. I struggle with the daily challenges and feel the weight of all my past sins pressing down on my consciousness. And you know, sometimes I just get tired of pushing...and I forget that I am not pushing on my own strength. I become weary and the path ahead seems just too much to bear. I want to stop, rest, and even look back to where I have been because at least that road is more familiar and easier to walk now that I have created a pathway.

It is a dangerous time to stop and reflect on the past. We can either become entranced by our "accomplishments" allowing pride to seep in, dangerously creating a detour from our divine purpose and instead focused on our personal recognition and earthly rewards, OR we might become weighted down by our past sins, allowing shame and guilt to weaken us, removing our strength as part of the greater common good and once again thwarting kingdom growth.

I think this is why the Apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 3:12-14:

12Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

This Sunday we studied this particular scripture, and one quote from Mike really spoke to me - "Staying in the process is MORE important than the product at any given moment". I loved that thought. That is what Paul is saying and that is our best instruction on our journey. PRESS ON - we will never arrive until that final day. PRESS ON - a better day awaits. PRESS ON - there is more growth ahead. PRESS ON - you can rise above this sin. PRESS ON - don't rest in your laurels or become drowned in your self loathing. There is a promise ahead - keep your eyes on the prize and continue moving forward.

To move forward, we must always be aware that it is not our own power that pushes the boulder, it is the Spirit within us, strengthening us, and directing us when we are pushing in the wrong direction. This is where the disciplines come in. I can't connect to the energy source within if I don't know where to plug the cord! Through regular discipline of prayer, reading The Word, and devoting my time in service to others, I can become connected to the Spirit within. These are my "outlets" to plug in to! And of course Paul has words on that too in this same letter. Philippians 2:1-3

1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

Being like-minded: Reading The Word

Being one in spirit and purpose: Prayer

Consider others better than yourselves: Servant heart

That boulder will continue to PRESS ON if I continue to PLUG IN...