From Antevasin to Poustinik

I love words ~ especially really cool sounding ones. There is nothing quite like finding just the perfect word to express a feeling or emotion. When I find special words like these I want to embrace them and make them a part of my being.

This is exactly how I felt a few years ago when I came across the word "Antevasin" in the book "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. Antevasin is an ancient sanskrit word meaning: ‘one who lives at the border.’ In ancient times this was a literal description. It indicated a person who had left the bustling center of worldly life to go live at the edge of the forest where the spiritual masters dwelled. The antevasin was not of the villagers anymore-not a householder with a conventional life. But neither was he yet a transcendent-not one of those sages who live deep in the unexplored woods, fully realized. The antevasin was an in-betweener. he was a border-dweller. He lived in sight of both worlds, but he looked toward the unknown. And he was a scholar.”

At the time I came across this word, it was a perfect description of how I was feeling in my pilgrimmage. I had moved to a new level of spirituality, but was still not "there" yet. I have long been an "in-betweener" or "border dweller". And most of my life has been trying to figure out where exactly I belong. Once you have moved to in-between, you can't really go back to where you were and be satisfied, nor do you feel ready to move to the next level. So for several years now I have travelled on the edge - sometimes making forays into the next level of faith, taking brief tastes of what it is like, but not feeling comfortable enough to stay for any extended period. So life has been pretty much a travel along the edges, peering back and forth between these two worlds. Perhaps that is why I started this blog...an effort to move forward.

The scripture I have found to best describe this feeling comes from Habakkuk 2:1

1 I will stand at my watch

and station myself on the ramparts;

I will look to see what he will say to me,

and what answer I am to give to this complaint

Now I have come across a new word that seems to best capture my new state of being...Poustinik The poustinik is one who craves in their hearts to be alone with God and His immense silence. Poustinia is the Russian term for desert. In the Western sense of the word, it would mean a place to which a hermit goes. To the Russian, the word means more than a geographical place. It means a quiet, lonely place that people wish to enter, to find God who dwells within them. One who enters this place is a poustinik.

So this deep calling I have been feeling to find that special place for my time alone is truly the call of the poustinik. I know God is preparing this place for me, I have been receiving hints in my daily readings - and I am certain that the time and place will be revealed when I am ready to go.

It will be exciting to come down from the fence - and yet the fence railings are very familiar territory now. Venturing into the unknown takes great faith and courage. I trust that I will be prepared.