Back to Work!

As we are working through this study of the book of Esther, I have at times wondered why the title wasn't "Mordecai" instead - it seems that underlying all the action in this book is the character of Mordecai. He has provided the leadership example of someone who is secure in their relationship with God.

This is no small detail as we wonder about Mordecai's biography. He was completely raised outside the Hebrew culture - in captivity. While the traditions and beliefs would have been handed down to him, it would not have been in the same context as his ancestors since he was living in an alien land (by choice) and therefore was not surrounded by those of the same belief, but instead he daily worked and dealt with those who worshipped many other gods. In spite of these surroundings, Mordecai's faith was secure.

I marvel at the sequence of the events we have seen from the announcement of the decree in chapter 4 for the annihilation of the Jews. Mordecai's actions are a lesson to each of us on the stages of response as we release our tribulations to God's will.

First Mordecai dressed in sackcloth and begain weeping and mourning loudly in the streets. He was projecting his sorrow out as far as he could. He wanted to bring attention to God of his fears, worries and grief over what was to come. That is a proper response for any of us in times of hopelessness - we must bring these emotions out and present them to God.

But, it is the next actions that teach the most to me about faith. After he has advised Esther and hears her response, he goes from outward wailing to inner reflection with the three day fast and prayer. The fast, which would seem to be a physically weakening action actually serves as a strengthening agent. During this time of fast and prayer Esther wasn't the only one who received the inner fortitude to carry out God's plan. In chapter 6 we begin to see that Mordecai also has achieved an inner calm that allows him to flow within the Spirit to be carried through the circumstances.

Can't you just imagine his inner trembling when Haman brought the royal robes and horse to him? I wonder what his first thoughts were when he was told to put them on and get on the horse. We don't get to know specifically what he did, but I imagine that at this point he was fully relinquished to God's hand. I imagine that while he was paraded through the street with the chorus of "This is what is done for the man the king delights to honor", that Mordecai secretly in his heart received this as a sign from God that He had heard their plea and was working a plan for redemption to save the Jews from destruction. I am certain that Mordecai was humbled by the awareness of this awesome acknowledgement and would have been filled with a sudden calming spirit that allowed him to go right back to work at the kings gate as if nothing had happened...

What a lesson for me. Instead of presenting my prayers and concerns and then continuing to try to solve them myself, if I truly turn them over to His will I can just go on living my daily life with an eye out for how God is responding. Rather than force the actions I should sit back and receive them. Flowing instead of forcing. Trusting instead of worrying.

Who Knows?

DESTINY

Seven small letters forming a word with such huge impact.

Destiny is a scary word. It implies greatness and helplessness at the same time.
To me, destiny is associated with significance. To fulfill a destiny, to follow a destiny, to be "destined" to be part of something has always implied an action within an event of such magnitude that only God could have mandated the circumstances. Destiny requires big decisions - major crossroads, and complete releasing of self into the winds of circumstance (or the Spirit of God).

Destiny is something that real important people come to realize - but maybe not the average, everyday, middle class citizen - right? Not so sure about that...

I like the word PURPOSE better than destiny. It fits my lifestyle more. It is not such a scary, weighty, intimidating word. When I think of finding my purpose, it implies to me that I have found what I am supposed to be working on (or in), my purpose is my reason I am here - and for some reason I can relate much more in my daily living to a "purpose" than to a "destiny". Perhaps because daily living in a purposeful life still requires that I have input, I make choices, I have more control (and as a "Type A" that is a big factor). With destiny - it seems that the control has been handed over completely to God, and so with destiny,in my mind, we are working on something either bigger than life or concluding the purpose of life.

But maybe I am wrong about destiny - and who it applies to. Maybe each of us, the great and the not so great, have a destiny. It doesn't have to be something that becomes world renowned, heroic, or of giant magnitude. Maybe it is just a simple gesture or act of kindness - or maybe that I listen carefully each day for that pressing on my heart so I can be a small tooth on the giant gear of life that continues the momentum of the church in mission. Maybe that is destiny too.

I am always amazed when there are serendipitous moments in my life. I attribute them to the Spirit, and sometimes I see God smiling down because He knows I just need a little extra help getting the point ;-) but in my morning time I work through two different devotion books and here are the excerpts from October 10:

"We need to find our place in God's purpose, receptive and open to His direction and inspiration; and all creation waits as it were on tiptoe in excited anticipation of what can happen if we assume the destiny for which we were created, and stand as 'sons of God'. We become 'Christ carriers'. (From "Aiden Readings: October 10" from the book "Celtic Daily Prayer")

Ezekiel 37:14 - I will put my spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it declares the Lord

"The ability to let go, to abandon oneself in faith and obedience, creates a heart that is docile and humble. Both notions are fairly foreign to our independent, stubborn, self reliant spirits. Both virtues are fairly absent in our assertive, self-confident, self-indulgent circles. But uncovering their meaning and their message to us twentieth century Christians is crucial for a spirituality of our times." From "Every Bush is Burning" by John Puls

So I have been given much to ponder...I don't find it any small coincidence that these quotes were delivered during the same week I am studying about DESTINY in the book of Esther.

A Broad Brush

All day today I have been contemplating this statement from Beth Moore:

"God calls us by name. Satan and his hordes see us as numbers."

WOW. That single statement can be applied to a lot of issues in our contemporary society. Isn't this exactly part of the problem in America today? Mass generalizations made, painting people with broad brush strokes of assumptions without recognizing individuals? Doesn't it seem that we categorize people first, make judgements on what they represent and decide whether we will like them or not based on what box we have placed them in?

That is how to whip a frenzy, that is how to create dissension, that is how to accelerate hatred and meanness, by eliminating the personal stories. By painting a group of people with broad brush strokes of stereotypical fodder we force our own preconceived image of their motivations and opinions without giving them benefit of providing unweighted input. This is why there is so much anger and vehemence rising in the public dialog in our country.

And that is SO NOT Jesus' way is it...throughout the gospels we see that Jesus works one on one. He listens individually to each persons story. He responds individually to each of their needs. One-on-one. That is the way to the truth and to true relationship.

It is easy to get caught up in painting with broad brush strokes. Personal relationship takes so much time and intention - are we working this essential out of our society by our very "business"? Can we get it back before it is too late? When was the last time I just chucked my "to do list" and called a friend to sit down for a chat - no purpose, no agenda, no special reason...just to visit. Better yet, when have I ever attempted to do the same with someone I perhaps didn't agree with philosophically or politically in order to really hear their point of view? It is something I think I need to ponder and pray over.

Circles of Influence

Much of my reflection time this week has concentrated on the uncanny correlation between this Bible study of Esther and the sermon series at church.

The first two chapters of Esther provide very concrete evidence of the importance of our circle of influence in our lives. Xerxes is a perfect example of the dangers of surrounding ourselves ONLY with those who think the exact same as we do. Our very humanness requires that we continue to challenge our thoughts and also our convictions.

So - first the lesson from Xerxes as I see it...

Chapter 2 of Esther begins: "Later when the anger of King Xerxes had subsided, he remembered Vashti and what she had done and what he had decreed about her." With the knowledge of context that Beth Moore has provided, this scripture TAKES ON A WHOLE NEW MEANING from what would be inferred if we just read the scripture as a continuance from the conclusion of Chapter 1.

When taken in the context of history, we realize that "Later" was FOUR YEARS LATER, and the "anger of King Xerxes" may also have been referring to the results of 4 failed conquests of the King into the surrounding Greek empire. The entire purpose of the King in Chapter 1 was to not only display his power to all, but to gather them in to support his efforts to expand the empire. We know from Chapter 1 that he had surrounded himself with "yes men", trusted advisors who pumped up his ego and always wanted to make him happy. That is a huge danger, especially when in a position of leadership. So note in Chapter 1 - who was the only person who didn't do this? Queen Vashti! She "refused" to come when beckoned. We never really know why, but now in Chapter 2 perhaps we have another clue. Four years down the road, King Xerxes "remembered what she had done and what he had decreed about her" I actually think the second part of the scripture is more signficant - and offer a contrarian interpretation of the first part. Perhaps what King Xerxes was "remembering" was that Queen Vashti had been the only one in his life that dared to challenge his thoughts and whims. Perhaps he was slowly realizing that he needed someone around who questioned him rather than blindly following and supporting him. These significant failures needed someone to blame and he didn't have anyone around him to lay blame on except himself...dangerous situation for someone with such ego.
And since he was "remembering what he had decreed" he also realized that he lost the resource of bringing her wisdom back to the picture. He had no advisor who would be honest and provide necessary challenges to work through his wacky ideas.

Instead of wise council, Xerxes has his "seven dwarfs" who are continuously working to keep him happy. What a disservice - but totally understandable from a survival perspective. If they allowed the king to be unhappy too long, his ego would require that he find someone to blame and they would not want it to be themselves!! So of course right away they suggest he find a replacement. What a great diversionary tactic! I can imagine the seven nobles in their private time coming up with this idea. Let's get him a queen, let's keep him occupied with the "try-outs" as long as we can to stop this other nonsense of going to war...

How perfect! Keep the king occupied with checking out beautiful virgin after virgin.,,sort of "The Bachelor" on steroids!!! I am sure that in all this ego feeding frenzy of working through the virgins, someone else would be left to running the empire -and I am quite certain those seven nobles were working hard on that.

Xerxes need for his ego to be fed, to be constantly confirmed in his convictions, to be reminded how powerful he was, was actually depleting his power instead.

Now - how do I apply this to myself?

Well, as a type "A" personality, I too suffer from the need to be challenged, to be questioned, to be forced to dig deeper into my motives and actions. On a very personal level, this issue is at work in my family as we deal with the issues surrounding my parents. While one sister is challenging what we are doing, do I personally consider her objections or do I just blindly discount them because they oppose my own convictions. Is there truth that I might miss by not listening critically to what she has to say?

How about within my church?

I think that as a church, especially one as large as LFC, we can also become complacent, satisfied with the status quo, not questioning our own actions. This particular challenge was brought home to me this very week. I was blessed with meeting a woman who came from very far away (across an ocean and much of western Europe) to explore a conviction in her heart that an area in OUR VERY BACKYARD was in need of the HOPE of Christ. She wants to begin a mission in a trailer park right down the street from our church. How is it that someone from 6000 miles away can see a need in our very neighborhood? Here is her video:

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Now the challenge to LFC (and me personally), is how to respond to this questioning of ourselves. Will we discount her because she is not from within? Will we determine it is not our call and send her off? Will we reject her mission because it is not grand enough or romantic enough? Or will we take seriously the challenge presented, prayerfully request discernment and respond to the call within our community? I would like to hope that as a church we will not be like Xerxes and only listen to our own egos.

Once Upon A Time...

Life comes at you hard sometimes - and the past few months have been one of those times for me. So imagine my joy with the special gift of the book of Esther. A cuddly fairy tale located smack dab in the middle of the Bible! I have been reading this book while carrying the mental image of sitting in my dad's lap, with my head on his shoulder - a child again - just resting in his embrace, secure in the knowledge that I don't have to carry the world on my own shoulders. A good story always helped me sleep at night as a child and it is no different with this special scripture tale!

Chapter 1 has all the necessary elements of a traditional tale - there is a king, a queen and a magnificent palace. I can't quite categorize Queen Vashti yet - is she a good queen or an evil queen? What was she thinking by refusing to come when the king beckoned her? That would be a daring act even by today's standards! She is lucky to remain alive with that insubordination. I wonder why she did that?

HOPE

HOPE is a popular word these days. It was the centerpiece of a successful presidential campaign, it was the catch phrase in a recent book I read by N. T. Wright "Surprised by Hope", the potential for hope or lack of hope seems to be the common thread through all our public discourse. What will bring hope to an economic situation, how can we alleviate hopelessness in a personal crisis, where is the hope...

This week we were asked to reflect on our own hope as Christians - what is the reason for my hope? I have been contemplating that a lot this week, my hope, and have found this to be a difficult task to really define specifically as it relates to my personal faith.

I think there is a huge difference between hoping for something and hoping in something. But somehow both phrases complete each other as it relates to my faith. I HOPE IN Christ to love me, forgive me, help me, strengthen me, guide me, carry me through, teach me, and complete me. I HOPE FOR happiness, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness and most of all peace in my own life and in this world. In other words, through my trust IN Christ, I might receive the fruits of the Spirit and might also contribute to that fruit within this world.

Hope is defined as:

hope (hp)
v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes
v.intr.
1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.

I believe those two definitions together cover my own reflection on what hope is to me. As a Christ follower, each day I must place my confidence and trust IN Christ. This essential daily releasing then provides the possibility to "wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment". The SOMETHING being the key element in Christian hope. This SOMETHING to me represents the reconciliation of our world in its fallen state to the ultimate vision of God's promise of a kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.. That is my SOMETHING. That one day, this world will return to the Garden. That the pages between Genesis 1 and Revelation 22 will be completed and God in full Trinity will be with us.

This is the Gospel - that the reconcilliation is in progress and that one day it will be complete and that the doorway to this kingdom comes through Jesus Christ. He is the promise, He is the HOPE, He is the ONLY WAY to this paradise. It is the constant promise through scripture for thousands of years.

Just this morning in my quiet time I was lead to this scripture from Jeremiah (emphasis mine):

31 "The time is coming," declares the LORD,
"when I will make a new covenant
with the house of Israel
and with the house of Judah.

32 It will not be like the covenant
I made with their forefathers
when I took them by the hand
to lead them out of Egypt,
because they broke my covenant,
though I was a husband to [a] them, [b] "
declares the LORD.

33 "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel
after that time," declares the LORD.
"I will put my law in their minds
and write it on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.

34 No longer will a man teach his neighbor,
or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,'
because they will all know me,
from the least of them to the greatest,"
declares the LORD.
"For I will forgive their wickedness
and will remember their sins no more."

Thousands of years ago, God shared his vision of the final days - that one day "they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest". This is our hope, and this defines our purpose. To live our lives each day in confidence and trust that through Jesus we will be part of the kingdom where ALL will know God from the least to the greatest, and this is what we wish for with "expectation of it's fulfillment".

That is my hope

Wild Abandon

The other morning during my quiet time, the selected reading from my devotional book was this:

Father, I abandon mmyself
into Your hands.
Do with me what You will,
whatever You do, I will thank You,
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only Your will be done in me,
as in all Your creatures,
and I'll ask nothing else, my Lord.

Into Your hands I commend my spirit;
I give it to You
with all the love of my heart,
for I love You, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into Your hands
with a trust beyond all mesure,
because You are my Father.

Charles de Foucauld

I realized as I read the words that they were empty and hollow sounding coming from my own mouth. I could read them, but I knew that my heart was not engaged in the meaning. I am not yet capable of that complete release, and I am not quite certain exactly what is holding me back. Is it pride? Is it fear? Maybe a little of both?

One of my breakthrough moments of faith came several years ago when I removed God from his "superman" uniform and realized that He was not to be reserved for big emergencies, but that He was a jealous God and wanted to be involved in all parts of my life. I still get that - and this might sound silly, but I have no problem allowing God in all parts of my life - as long as it remains MY LIFE. But to now sit and say that I totally abandon myself and my life to Him...well that is a very scary proposition. I am not quite ready to say that "I am ready for it all" and I am especially not prepared to say "I'll ask nothing else"...and yet I am fully aware that this commitment is what I am working towards as I continue this pilgrimmage. The journey is the destination (or something like that). Each day a little more of my "self" is chisled and chipped away and I will know that I am close to arriving when I can read those words with full engagement of my heart and my mind.

It's all GREEK to me...

Sometimes I think we are at an extreme disadvantage with English as a native language. There are just not enough words to accurately express our emotions or feelings.

Joy is one of these words that English just doesn't do justice.

I have always equated joy with happiness or excitement. It is sort of a verb/adjective - joy has always been an action word for me.

But Chara joy is something more than this. It is a sustaining feeling that is continuous and not dependent on circumstances (like happiness or gladness which are fleeting and definitely circumstantial).

Chara is what Jesus was talking about in John 15:11 when he said "my JOY will be in you and your JOY will be complete".

I want that Chara joy - that sustaining, underlying, always there in every circumstance joy. When observed in others, Chara is a glowing presence, a serenity that can't be shaken, a "knowing" that comforts just by being near. That is what I desire - that total completeness.

Sometimes I feel that I have captured glimpses or snatches of Chara...these are times of "soaring" for me; brief expanses of abandonment when I feel totally carried by the spirit. During these experiences I feel closer to God, I see Him everywhere, I wake up with a song in my head and throughout the day will feel a calm contentment with my life - and also excitement when I capture a glimpse of insight or acknowledgement that He is near. But for me, these special times are not long enough or full enough. Somehow LIFE gets in the way - distractions remove me from the center, I become "disconnected". It is a constant struggle to get back to the source and connection. Why does it have to be this way? Why must I feel incomplete?

I have always loved Isaiah 40:31 "...they will soar on whings like eagles..." this scripture so perfectly captures my soaring Chara times. Just like the eagle stretches its wings and floats on the warm air currents, so do I spread my wings and lean out to be carried by the Spirit and soar.

Soaring like an eagle gives perspective. It allows us to remove ourselves to a height that gives us access to the bigger picture - to see outside ourselves to the greater plan. It is restful, it is exhilarating, it is beautiful...but eventually it must come to an end - and generally we are left on a high precipice where we wait patiently (or maybe impatiently) for the next current.

Waiting on that precipice is the hard part. It is isolating. I can only assume that times on that ledge are meant for us to do some introspection and evaluation - to prepare for the next gliding experience.

This year Lent was a soaring experience for me and now I sit on a precipice, feeling anxious and ready to leap onto that current again...

You look like a Christian

I had an interesting experience last Friday evening when I attended a solidarity rally for the homeless in our city. I had been standing on a hillside listening to the speakers on the stage when a man came up to me and asked me if I had a cigarette I could sell him. I explained I didn't smoke and he had just started to move on when another homeless man came walking toward us. The man who had approached me turned to this new person and asked him for a cigarette. This time he was in luck, the new gentleman had just brought a new pack. They made their exchange and just as the man with the cigarettes was ready to move on he offered me a cigarette also. I explained that I didn't smoke and this man said the strangest thing. He said "I wasn't sure if you were with him - I thought you looked like a Christian."

Now this may seem like an innocent exchange - but for the past few days that comment has really stuck with me. "I thought you looked like a Christian..." What does a Christian look like? I hope his opinion wasn't based on my outside appearance. Quite frankly I was not at my best - no makeup, old jeans and a T-shirt, and I am pretty sure I looked tired from a long day at the office. To be honest, I probably looked more like one of the homeless I was there to support. So what made him think I was a Christian? Our conversation consisted of about 10 words total - no time to interpret my beliefs or witness any behaviour. So what could it have possibly been that allowed him to make that assumption? Surely it wasn't just the fact that I didn't smoke...

Easter People...

This past Lent/Easter season has been a deepening journey for me. I have been trying to find the best way to describe what I have experienced these past 8 weeks and "deepening" is the closest I can come to the right word.

For the first time in my life, I spent Lent in an authentic seeking posture - diligently seeking Him through a personal revival study, experiencing the "pulling off and putting on" of Lent observance and even submitting to my first complete Fast in an effort to relate on a personal level to the suffering of Christ as well as my dependence on The Word and The Spirit. All of this effort is pushing me to a new and deeper level of faith - I am diving deeper into the depths of faith, no longer treading water on the surface.

So - now that Easter has passed, and we have joyously celebrated the GOOD NEWS! - I am meditating on what that really means for me as I move past the resurrection to the purpose and mission I am called to. What exactly is the GOOD NEWS? What is the "after Easter" story? Where do I go from here????

Well, another little aspect of my Lent experience came from a book by N.T. Wright called "Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church". On one hand I believe this has been most appropriate reading during the Lenten season, but on the other hand, the message of the book has really forced me to rethink all I have been taught culturally as an American Christian - and urged me in these new depths of water that I am swimming in to view the surroundings through a new lens, to re-read the Gospel with new perspective, to question and glory in these new surroundings and to come to an understanding of true purpose. This quote from the end of Chapter 14 in this book sums up my current state of being so well I must share it as the conclusion of this post:

What we all need from time to time is for someone...to say, "It's time to wake up! You've been asleep long enough! The sun is shining and there's a wonderful day out there! Wake up and get a life!"
The message of Easter, then, is neither that God once did a spectacular miracle but then decided not to do many others nor that there is a blissful life after death to look forward to. The message of Easter is that God's new world has been unveiled in Jesus Christ and that you're now invited to belong to it. And precisely because the resurrection was and is bodily, albeit with a transformed body, the power of Easter to transform and heal the present world must be put into effect both at the macrolevel, in applying the gospel to the major problems of the world...and to the intimate details of our daily lives. Christian holiness consists not of trying as hard as we can to be good but of learning to live in the new world created by Easter, the new world we publicly entered in our baptism. There are many parts of the world we can't do anything about except pray. But there is one part of the world, one part of physical reality, that we can do something about, and that is the creature each of us calls "myself." Personal holiness and global holiness belong together. Those who wake up to the one may well find themselves called to wake up to the other as well.

First Fast

Yesterday, in observance of the time between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, I committed to a Fast.

I have never done a Fast before - food is one of my favorite things! But this past Lent has been the first time I truly observed many of the spiritual disciplines, and so I thought I should also explore what this Fasting was all about.

In my reading and talking to other Christians who are much more spiritually developed than me, I would hear them say they would fast and pray over a decision - and quite frankly, I just didn't get how fasting would bring me closer to an understanding of anything besides how hungry I was....

So, with mixed emotions on Friday evening, I officially limited myself to water (plus 2 cups of morning coffee on Saturday).

Beginning the day with my normal quiet time, I came across a wonderful quote in the book "A Guide to Prayer for All God's People". This particular reading came from "From Radiance of the Inner Splendor" by Lloyd John Ogilvie (emphasis mine)

Let me risk a description of what has been the experience of some of us at Lent. When we say that Christ pervades all aspects of our human nature, it does not mean that he effects a takeover of our will. He did not do that before we became his children' he does not do it now. It does mean that we set our hearts in the direction of what we know to be God's heart in the matter - and begin to model our behaviour in that direction - the Spirit within immediately reinforces our finite strength with infinite strength. The synthesis is so smooth. It is sometimes impossible to tell where our strength ends and his begins.

That quote was perfect to assist me for this Fast. To think of the Spirit, melding its infinite strength with my finite strength to get me through this fast...I drew on that many times through the day.

But the true spiritual aspect of my Fast didn't really occur until about 1:00 am - when I woke up from sleep so TERRIBLY HUNGRY. I was laying there debating with myself whether I could continue all the way till morning. Even justifying how I could break fast since it was technically Easter since it was after midnight! When you are drowsy, and food deprived, it is easy to lose that finite strength and time to dip into that infinite strength of the Spirit.

So there I was having argument with myself (and about to lose the battle), when for some reason a song we sing in church just entered my head. "Our strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord". I kept hearing this verse over and over and was then reminded about the words that morning of the Spirit and its strength. And suddenly I became like a little child covering their ears singing "la la la" when they don't want to listen. With the aid of this song verse I could block out the tempting calls from my kitchen. I was going to win this battle over my hunger! I made it through that temptation with the help of the Spirit - of that I am certain. Perhaps one day when I am more spiritually developed, I can battle back temptation with scripture instead of a song :)

After that mini skirmish with my will, I was able to return to slumber and didn't wake up until 6:00 am - where I very appreciatively broke fast.

Now on the backside of this Fast - I have a much deeper understanding of how it can draw you into a deeper relationship and can give special meaning in discernment and prayer, but I think it is a discipline to be reserved for special circumstances.

One Of The Crowd

I was delivered an unexpected one-two punch today during Palm Sunday worship. Obviously not the normal reaction one might expect to be the result of worship - especially on a special holy day like Palm Sunday, but none the less, there I was pushed into a area of revelation that made me extremely uncomfortable. So much so, that it has been consuming my thoughts ever since I left church today.

As far as the service itself - well it was phenomenal (not an unusual happening at a church that literally swells with creative talent). And perhaps it was that very creative, unique combination of artistic and scriptural reflection that sent me to a new place in my heart.

Of course LFC in it's quirky, non-traditional norm, celebrated Palm Sunday with a Christmas carol - and maybe that is what set me up for my revelation. We sang "Joy To The World", one of my most favorite Christmas carols. Singing that Christmas carol really set me in the happy, joyous frame of mind. I could relate to the Jews who centuries ago laid their garment down on the ground welcoming their King into the city of Jerusalem. Joy to the world, the Lord is come!!! He is here! He is the Messiah!! I could really relate to those people and their excitement. I absolutely LOVED that we were singing a Christmas song at Easter time. It sort of brought the whole story together....

So there I sat in worship, at a peak of excitement, feeling the joy in my heart that a saviour had come, my saviour, our saviour....

Then we heard The Word. The story of Jesus last day. From his time in the garden and through his trials until he was condemned to be crucified. And that is exactly when I was struck with a blow so hard to my psyche that it was difficult to concentrate for a little while after.

The Word was presented to us through artistic narration. A series of readers presented the Word to us in a way that we could feel a part of the action. As the voice changed in the story, so did the narrator - which had the effect of drawing us, the audience, into the story as though we were living within it ourselves. I was caught up in the action as Jesus was taken from the garden and brought before Pontius Pilate. I could understand Pilate's political prowess as he presented two "Jesus" to the crowd - Jesus Barabbas and Jesus Christ. He would let the crowd make that decision, so there would not be any repercussions on him later.

It is at this very moment that I reached a pinnacle of understanding. As part of the presentation of the Word, the "crowd" voices actually cried out from all over our congregation "Crucify Him" over and over again "CRUCIFY HIM". It stunned me - to realize that I was part of that crowd. That same crowd that welcomed Jesus with joy and royal welcome was now demanding he be crucified. I had never in my life related myself to being part of that crowd...

In all my years of celebrating Easter, I have always sort of thought of the crowd in the Easter story as "those people" - they didn't know better, they didn't believe, they didn't realize who he was, they, they, they. But that crowd shouted out from within us..... that crowd is us..... I am part of that crowd.

Whoa - step back - that is not a thought for Palm Sunday....that is a deep, dark, lurking sort of thought. This is not "happy, slappy, clappy" church thinking. This is not love God, love Jesus, love everyone sort of "Christian" thinking. This isn't the type of thoughts you want to work through when you are planning to color Easter eggs and set out the baskets of candy. But it is what it is - and this is where I am.

I am one of the crowd.

And now that I have entered this passage of darkness, darker than any thought I have ever had or expressed before, I realize that this darkness is necessary for true understanding of The Cross and The Resurrection.

In my previous post I shared the revelation that I finally grasped that Jesus literally had lived the Jewish history and that his body literally served as a sacrifice for all they had experienced as a nation. But as a non-Jew, how does that relate to me?

It is through this crowd that I understand that Jesus died for me too. "Forgive them, for they know not what they do" - that covers me too.

I am one of the crowd.

As Christians, we are charged to be the light of the world. We can't be a light unless we understand the darkness.

I came to know a part of the darkness today - for which I am grateful, and because of which my understanding of Easter has much greater depth and meaning. This last week of Lent will be a time to work through this new understanding, to travel through the darkness without fear, but with faith - that at the end of this week I will see The Light, The Promise and The Hope of Easter.

The Word became flesh...

I have to admit that most of my life I have struggled with the first chapter of the Gospel of John. I am not a big one for poetry - though I LOVE music - and so the whole first chapter of John did not make much sense to me. I never really understood what point John was bringing us to. I mean I understand that John was connecting Jesus as the son of God and that He was the light bringing us out of darkness. I have always been able to wrap my mind around that...but I never got all the references to "the Word" - that is until I read this lovely book "Becoming the Answer to Our Prayers" by Shane Claiborne and Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove.

Don't you just love light-bulb moments? Well I had a big spotlight of a light bulb moment when I read the following:

"The history of God's people all leads up to the life of
this one Jew, Jesus Christ.

Matthew goes on to make his point by emphasizing the
similarities between Jesus' life and the history of Israel. Just like the
Hebrew children were killed by Pharaoh, the children in Bethlehem are killed by
Herod when Jesus is born. And just as Joseph and all Israel with him had
to flee into Egypt to survive, so too does Jesus go to Egypt to wait out the
reign of Herod. Like Israel, Jesus passes through the waters in baptism
and wanders in the wilderness (in his case, only forty days). He emerges
to call twelve disciples, like the twelve tribes of Israel. And when Jesus
begins to teach the law in Matthew 5, he goes up on a mountain. Anyone
remember a story about the law coming down from a mountain?

So Jesus came into the world as a Jew, retelling the story of God's people in his own body."

Now it makes sense!!! And the Easter Story has so much more impact. When Jesus was crucified on the cross, His body represented the entire people - it had literally lived their history. The connection between the Old and New Testaments is captured through this wondrous connection and the Cross and what it represents has deeper meaning for me. The foreshadowing of the Old Testament prophets, the stories of Jesus ministry and the words of the Apostles all take on new meaning with this deeper understanding of what Jesus represented in sacrifice.

I love reading the Word through this new lens...

Obligation or Obedience?

I have been struggling alot the past week on the difference between living life with "The Law" and living life with Obedience.

In my small group study, we have been really camped in the concept of Grace, and living life not concentrating on the law, but pointing our focus on Christ. I get that...in my head...but where I struggle is when I check the motivations of my heart.

This week in the Seeking Him study, the lesson was on Obedience: the Acid Test of Love. So between my women's study, my small group discussions and all this focus on Lent - I am struggling with motivations of my heart. Am I practicing my disciplines as an act of obligation or out of obedience? I think there is a difference. I was struck by this quote from the Seeking Him study: "Before we ever try to give or do anything for God, His primary concern is for us to be right with Him."

When I check the definitions of obligation and obedience this subtle difference continues to play out.

First the definition of OBLIGATED:

1 : to bind legally or morally : constrain
2 : to commit (as funds) to meet an obligation

To further understand - here is the definition of CONSTRAIN:

1 a: to force by imposed stricture, restriction, or limitation b: to restrict the motion of (a mechanical body) to a particular mode
2: compress ; also : to clasp tightly
3: to secure by or as if by bonds : confine ; broadly : limit
4: to force or produce in an unnatural or strained manner
5: to hold back by or as if by force

So to act out of obligation, we are constrained (or forced, restricted, bound, or especially number 4 - acting in an unnatural or strained manner). Our actions are not natural, but rather against our normal nature.

Now obedience is a little different:

1 a: an act or instance of obeying b: the quality or state of being obedient
2: a sphere of jurisdiction ; especially : an ecclesiastical or sometimes secular dominion

When I think of obedience, I automatically think of a dog responding to it's Master. It is a natural and instinctual reaction as a response to the one in authority. Obedience comes from within, and is a part of our normal nature. With obedience, we lean into that which we already know and understand.

We can be obedient, because the Word resides in us through the Holy Spirit. We are not obligated by external constraints, but rather obeying because of a natural reaction of our hearts. Jesus tells us this with his promise in John 14:16-21

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[a] in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him."

Once again, the difference comes back to "self". Obedience requires love and faith. It requires acting without thinking (instinct). Obligation on the other hand comes from a struggle of power and is not a natural response, or a loving response, but rather a response that still feeds to pride and personal image.

This period of Lent is a time to work on that loving relationship, to bond with Jesus so that the outward flow of my actions will be natural obedience.

Great River of Prayer

I came across the quote below tonight in the book "In Constant Prayer" by Robert Benson, and just wanted to share...

In the early days and years of the monastic traditions, as more and more communities began to spread across the desert and into Europe, such communities were often built in proximity to one another.

One of the notions they held dear was that one community's prayer was beginning just as another's was ending. The goal was to ensure that there were no hours of the day when the prayer that sanctifies the day was not being offered. There were no minutes on God's good earth when the One who made it was not being worshiped and praised.

For thousands of years, the people of Yahweh-the children of Abraham and the followers of Moses and all those who waited for the Messiah to come-offered their praise and worship to God in offices of prayer that were much like the ones that have been passed down to us. Then came the first Christians, those astonished first ones, whose heritage was Jewish and whose practice of daily prayer and daily worship was shaped by what they had learned as the faithful people of Yahweh, who was even more worthy of devotion now that the Messiah had come.

Then the Gentiles, who learned the practice of the life of the devout from Jewish Christians, took up the mantle of saying the prayers. Then the desert fathers and mothers, the people of the Church of the Middle Ages, and the people of the Reformation all took their places in the line of the faithful followers. Together they formed a great river of prayer that has rolled across the centuries, offered by the unknown and unseen saints, a great river of prayer that sustained the Church....

...And now it is our turn

The BE attitudes

For several years now I have been working with a theology espoused by Clarence Jordan

It was Jordan's belief that Jesus gives us all instruction on HOW to follow him in Matthew 5, 6 and 7. In particular, Jesus gave us the Beatitudes in a specific order as the necessary steps in the ladder of faith.

Now this theory really caught my imagination, and so I have been using the beatitudes as my own barometer on where I am in this pilgrimmage. Often at different crossroads or events in my life I will pull out the Beatitudes and see if I can pinpoint which step in the ladder I am working on.

Well, as we have been working through the Seeking Him study and participate in this personal revival, once again I see a reflection of Jordan's theory at work.

These first weeks as we have been digging through the dirt of our lives, plowing and tilling our soil to prepare for the seeds of Grace, I can see that Jesus prepared us for this process with the beatitudes. The first three steps in Jesus ladder are painful, gut wrenching, self effacing, but without them our hearts are not ready to perform at the levels we can achieve as we continue climbing.

Jesus calls to the Poor in Spirit, Mourning, Meek - Our revival calls us to be Humble, Honest, Repentent

The synergy is amazing

In all honesty

For the past few months I have been working through a pretty big issue with my son. Unfortunately, our issue was further exacerbated by the fact that he was not being honest with me - and I knew it. So for the past 6 weeks I have been giving him opportunities to come clean, secretly begging him to tell me the truth I knew was out there just waiting to come forward. You see, I knew we could not really resolve his problem until we got all the way down to the truth and started to build from there.

My son's problem was that he didn't want to admit a mistake - so in his efforts to hide his error, he actually further complicated the whole situation and the resolution will be much more difficult and time consuming. IF HE HAD ONLY ADMITTED IT WHEN IT HAPPENED INSTEAD OF TRYING TO HIDE IT FROM ME!

What could he have been fearing? Why was he afraid to let me know? How could he have possibly thought that lying about his situation and delaying his "confession" to me could have served any good purpose?

But isn't that what we do ourselves with our own relationship with God? Don't we delay admitting to him with full disclosure what we have done and why we have done it? Isn't it easier to either pretend we have done nothing wrong - or worse yet, try to fix it ourselves? And there sits God, just waiting for us to come to our senses. And when we are finally at our last resort, when we understand we can't hide anymore, when we finally realize our problem is much bigger than ourselves, when we ultimately turn to God and admit what we have done - He is right there for us! It is not that we won't have to bear the consequences of our actions, but at least that anxiety of being revealed is no longer separating us from Him. We can finally stop hiding and get to work - moving forward with Him, not by ourselves.

Tonight, after my little tirade was over and we sat down and had honest discussion, my son and I were once again reconciled in our relationship. It is my hope that his lesson learned is that my love is so unwavering, that even when the difficult and painful truth must be dealt with - the underpinning of love will transcend all, and that maybe the next time he will feel comfortable enough to admit his mistakes before they become tragic errors.

I imagine God has the same desire for me.

Oh Lord, it's hard to be humble

God is pretty clear in his word about his opinion of pride.


Leviticus 26:19
I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze.

2 Chronicles 26:16
But after Uzziah became powerful, his pride led to his downfall. He was unfaithful to the LORD his God, and entered the temple of the LORD to burn incense on the altar of incense.

Psalm 10:4
In his pride the wicked does not seek him; in all his thoughts there is no room for God.

Proverbs 11:2
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.

Proverbs 13:10
Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.

Proverbs 29:23
A man's pride brings him low, but a man of lowly spirit gains honor.

Isaiah 2:17
The arrogance of man will be brought low and the pride of men humbled; the LORD alone will be exalted in that day,

Pride keeps us from right relationship with God.

It is not surprising to me that the first people Jesus chose to bless in his beatitudes were the poor in spirit, because without humility, we won't approach God with fully open arms. That first step towards Him must be one of humility - because if we keep back that smidgen of pride, we will always be in competition with God, trying to prove ourselves, or gain for ourselves, or keep for ourselves, or position ourselves.

Yet - humility is not valued here in our country. We are told to "climb the corporate ladder", take care of our family, strive for the American Dream, build our fortunes. All the values of our culture require some form of pride in our character.

So, is there an acceptable level of pride in our hearts? Can we grow in relationship with God and still have some level of pride in ourselves?

Revival

To my mind, revival has always implied lots of energy, motivation, getting something to start moving. I have often pictured those difibrillators sending a surge of energy to restart the heart, bringing someone from flatline to a full beat.
Revival is a burst of energy, a "jump start" for a dead battery. It implies bringing back to life.

But these pictures I had in my mind are not fair assessments of true revival. My examples of defibrillators or jump start of a battery only require short, limited release of energy and do not require on-going connection to the source of the energy. I have to completely rethink and relearn my understanding of what true revival is.

Scripturally, God views revival as a groundbreaking beginning to growing a garden. He is intent on creating a soul that will bear fruit - and that requires much more than a quick burst of energy.

In Gods plan, revival is the breaking of the fallow land - land that had once been productive, but for one reason or another had gone to waste and become crusty, hard and full of rocks and stones. Fallow land requires lots of energy to revive. Combinations of pick-axes and shovels are needed to loosen the soil and remove any large rocks that have taken residence. This is a time-consuming process, not a quick fix.

Why is it so easy to slip into a "fallow" lifestyle - and why must it require such energy to create and maintain good productive soil?

A dent and a difference

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I have not been writing for several days because I am still "camping out" in Psalm 107. As with all scripture, this particular Psalm has several layers to peel away - and I am just beginning! But as usual, when God places you in a certain part of His word it begins to infiltrate the air around you and affects your vision of the surroundings. Such was my experience this past few days, especially when I watched the above story on 60 Minutes.

Psalm 107 paints a picture of people in all manners of distress. What is similar in all their circumstances is that at some point they cry out to the Lord in their trouble and he delivers them from their distress. Every time, in every situation, as soon as they reach their point of desperation, they CRY OUT and that is when HE ANSWERS! I have been dwelling on this for several days now and have seen this same pattern from God in my own life...

So, imagine my amazement Sunday evening, after my team THE STEELERS won their football game - which has nothing to do with this post, but they are my team and I am so excited :) -
and this story comes on 60 Minutes about a young man with Haitian roots who has been blessed by God in his earthly occupation and is using all his resources to make a difference in his home country.

The Haitian people are in darkness, they are held hostage by the conditions of their country, and Hope is not evident. They are the people of Psalm 107:10-16

10 Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom,

prisoners suffering in iron chains,

11 for they had rebelled against the words of God

and despised the counsel of the Most High.
12 So he subjected them to bitter labor;

they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
13 Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble,

and he saved them from their distress.
14 He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom

and broke away their chains.
15 Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love

and his wonderful deeds for men,
16 for he breaks down gates of bronze

and cuts through bars of iron.

So here are the Haitians, a people of no hope, held in bondage by the conditions of their country, stumbling around seeing no one to help. And the Lord sends Wyclef Jean to bring them from darkness to light. And here is where I get goose bumps...the name of his organization is "Yele Haiti" which is Haitian for CRY OUT LOUD. They are crying out to the LORD in their trouble and he is delivering them from their distress !!!

If I can tap into just a small teaspoon of the vision and hope of Wyclef Jean, I know I could make a difference here in my own community. I absolutely love his statement that in the midst of what may appear to be a hopeless, dangerous, "too big to solve" condition - Wyclef Jean keeps moving forward. He knows that "past the danger is opportunity". He is not afraid. He knows that God is on his side. He doesn't plan to solve all the problems of Haiti, but as the bearer of HOPE, he can unite the people to move forward with him. His final statement in this clip inspires me and gives me guidance in my own life
-

"What I plan to do is I'm gonna make a serious dent, and I'm hoping that after I make this dent, those kids behind me could help break those walls."

All I need to do to make a difference is make a dent...I don't have to solve the world's problems or be intimidated or overwhelmed by their vastness. I just need to make a dent - a dent I can handle!

Water Water Everywhere...

This will be a rambling post today - so be prepared for lots of detours ;-)

It all began for me last Sunday, when for some strange reason I was directed to Psalm 107 during my quiet time. I love this Psalm, and had not really dwelled on it before. The repeating phrase "Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble and he saved them from their distress" is still sitting in my heart, waiting for me to examine more deeply (note to self- future blog entry...). But what I have actually been working on this week comes from a different part of the psalm (v33-37):

He turned rivers into a desert,

flowing springs into thirsty ground,
and fruitful land into a salt waste,

because of the wickedness of those who lived there.
He turned the desert into pools of water

and the parched ground into flowing springs;
there he brought the hungry to live,

and they founded a city where they could settle.
They sowed fields and planted vineyards

that yielded a fruitful harvest;

Sunday morning - the same morning I had just contemplated this psalm - our worship time reflected on two questions... What have been the valleys of this year? and What were the mountaintop experiences? We were reminded that the valleys of earth are where the streams of water flow and this thought began percolating in my brain all day. Needless to say, I have been trying to quench my thirst all week around the importance of water. I will share some of what I have learned -

Water facts:

• 60% of the human body is water
• 70% of the human brain is water
• 90% of human lungs are water
• Each day humans must replace 2.4 litres of water
• Water is called the "universal solvent" because it dissolves more substance than any other liquid
• Wherever water goes, whether through our bodies or the ground, it takes along valuable chemicals, minerals and nutrients
• Water is the ONLY natural substance found in all three states - liquid, gas and solid
• 70% of earths surface is water
• Dehydration occurs when the amount of water leaving the body is greater than the amount being taken in
• The thirst mechanism signals the body to drink water when it is dry

So - water is pretty important to us humans, and also pretty darn important to all other aspects of life on earth!

Then I started to reflect on how we see water in the Word. I had some very interesting revelations as I searched the scriptures. For example, see if any of these resonate with you...

I have always known the very beginning of our story from Genesis 1:

In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth

and the earth was without form and void;

But now that I am looking at this scripture with new eyes, I realize that in the beginning God began with water...

and darkness was upon the face of the deep.

And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters.

So God begins His word with water...and guess what...He ends His word with water too!

Revelation 22:1, 17

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life,

clear as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb...

The Spirit and the bride say,

"Come!" And let those who hear say

"Come!" Let those who are thirsty come;

and let all who wish to take the free gift

of the water of life

Now I feel again like I am sitting on the crest of some greater understanding. I have been carefully working through the scriptures to see that many great words and revelations are delivered near the water. Here are just a few examples I discovered this week:

Isaiah 43:18-21 - God tells us that He is providing water in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland to give drink to His people

Nehemiah 8:2-3 - Ezra the priest re-introduced the law to the people of Jerusalem when standing at the WATER GATE.

Psalm 23: The shepherd leads his sheep beside still water...

Jesus began and ended his earthly ministry with water:

John 2:7 - Jesus changed the water into wine (and it was rated the BEST tasting by the master)

John 19:28 - Jesus last words were "I am thirsty" (and he was given vinegar which is considered the wine unfit to serve as drink)

John 3:5 - Jesus answered "Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit"

John 3:14 - but those who drink the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.

On this pilgrimage of mine, I search for the Living Water - the essential nutrient for survival. It will satisfy my thirst, and will allow me eternal life. To prevent dehydration I must take in more Living Water each day. I am a vessel of the water, and my goal is to continue to become filled to the brim, not running on empty :0)

Irony is not lost on me that the Living Water is found in the valleys of our life. God brings us down to the valley from our mountaintops so that we may remember who He is - and that we may look up to Him!

As I enter this New Year and continue to map my path and check my GPS, it will be good for me to remember that my canteen must be full of this essential water to satisfy my thirst on my journey...