Once Upon A Time...

Life comes at you hard sometimes - and the past few months have been one of those times for me. So imagine my joy with the special gift of the book of Esther. A cuddly fairy tale located smack dab in the middle of the Bible! I have been reading this book while carrying the mental image of sitting in my dad's lap, with my head on his shoulder - a child again - just resting in his embrace, secure in the knowledge that I don't have to carry the world on my own shoulders. A good story always helped me sleep at night as a child and it is no different with this special scripture tale!

Chapter 1 has all the necessary elements of a traditional tale - there is a king, a queen and a magnificent palace. I can't quite categorize Queen Vashti yet - is she a good queen or an evil queen? What was she thinking by refusing to come when the king beckoned her? That would be a daring act even by today's standards! She is lucky to remain alive with that insubordination. I wonder why she did that?

HOPE

HOPE is a popular word these days. It was the centerpiece of a successful presidential campaign, it was the catch phrase in a recent book I read by N. T. Wright "Surprised by Hope", the potential for hope or lack of hope seems to be the common thread through all our public discourse. What will bring hope to an economic situation, how can we alleviate hopelessness in a personal crisis, where is the hope...

This week we were asked to reflect on our own hope as Christians - what is the reason for my hope? I have been contemplating that a lot this week, my hope, and have found this to be a difficult task to really define specifically as it relates to my personal faith.

I think there is a huge difference between hoping for something and hoping in something. But somehow both phrases complete each other as it relates to my faith. I HOPE IN Christ to love me, forgive me, help me, strengthen me, guide me, carry me through, teach me, and complete me. I HOPE FOR happiness, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness and most of all peace in my own life and in this world. In other words, through my trust IN Christ, I might receive the fruits of the Spirit and might also contribute to that fruit within this world.

Hope is defined as:

hope (hp)
v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes
v.intr.
1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.

I believe those two definitions together cover my own reflection on what hope is to me. As a Christ follower, each day I must place my confidence and trust IN Christ. This essential daily releasing then provides the possibility to "wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment". The SOMETHING being the key element in Christian hope. This SOMETHING to me represents the reconciliation of our world in its fallen state to the ultimate vision of God's promise of a kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.. That is my SOMETHING. That one day, this world will return to the Garden. That the pages between Genesis 1 and Revelation 22 will be completed and God in full Trinity will be with us.

This is the Gospel - that the reconcilliation is in progress and that one day it will be complete and that the doorway to this kingdom comes through Jesus Christ. He is the promise, He is the HOPE, He is the ONLY WAY to this paradise. It is the constant promise through scripture for thousands of years.

Just this morning in my quiet time I was lead to this scripture from Jeremiah (emphasis mine):

31 "The time is coming," declares the LORD,
"when I will make a new covenant
with the house of Israel
and with the house of Judah.

32 It will not be like the covenant
I made with their forefathers
when I took them by the hand
to lead them out of Egypt,
because they broke my covenant,
though I was a husband to [a] them, [b] "
declares the LORD.

33 "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel
after that time," declares the LORD.
"I will put my law in their minds
and write it on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.

34 No longer will a man teach his neighbor,
or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,'
because they will all know me,
from the least of them to the greatest,"
declares the LORD.
"For I will forgive their wickedness
and will remember their sins no more."

Thousands of years ago, God shared his vision of the final days - that one day "they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest". This is our hope, and this defines our purpose. To live our lives each day in confidence and trust that through Jesus we will be part of the kingdom where ALL will know God from the least to the greatest, and this is what we wish for with "expectation of it's fulfillment".

That is my hope

Wild Abandon

The other morning during my quiet time, the selected reading from my devotional book was this:

Father, I abandon mmyself
into Your hands.
Do with me what You will,
whatever You do, I will thank You,
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only Your will be done in me,
as in all Your creatures,
and I'll ask nothing else, my Lord.

Into Your hands I commend my spirit;
I give it to You
with all the love of my heart,
for I love You, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into Your hands
with a trust beyond all mesure,
because You are my Father.

Charles de Foucauld

I realized as I read the words that they were empty and hollow sounding coming from my own mouth. I could read them, but I knew that my heart was not engaged in the meaning. I am not yet capable of that complete release, and I am not quite certain exactly what is holding me back. Is it pride? Is it fear? Maybe a little of both?

One of my breakthrough moments of faith came several years ago when I removed God from his "superman" uniform and realized that He was not to be reserved for big emergencies, but that He was a jealous God and wanted to be involved in all parts of my life. I still get that - and this might sound silly, but I have no problem allowing God in all parts of my life - as long as it remains MY LIFE. But to now sit and say that I totally abandon myself and my life to Him...well that is a very scary proposition. I am not quite ready to say that "I am ready for it all" and I am especially not prepared to say "I'll ask nothing else"...and yet I am fully aware that this commitment is what I am working towards as I continue this pilgrimmage. The journey is the destination (or something like that). Each day a little more of my "self" is chisled and chipped away and I will know that I am close to arriving when I can read those words with full engagement of my heart and my mind.

It's all GREEK to me...

Sometimes I think we are at an extreme disadvantage with English as a native language. There are just not enough words to accurately express our emotions or feelings.

Joy is one of these words that English just doesn't do justice.

I have always equated joy with happiness or excitement. It is sort of a verb/adjective - joy has always been an action word for me.

But Chara joy is something more than this. It is a sustaining feeling that is continuous and not dependent on circumstances (like happiness or gladness which are fleeting and definitely circumstantial).

Chara is what Jesus was talking about in John 15:11 when he said "my JOY will be in you and your JOY will be complete".

I want that Chara joy - that sustaining, underlying, always there in every circumstance joy. When observed in others, Chara is a glowing presence, a serenity that can't be shaken, a "knowing" that comforts just by being near. That is what I desire - that total completeness.

Sometimes I feel that I have captured glimpses or snatches of Chara...these are times of "soaring" for me; brief expanses of abandonment when I feel totally carried by the spirit. During these experiences I feel closer to God, I see Him everywhere, I wake up with a song in my head and throughout the day will feel a calm contentment with my life - and also excitement when I capture a glimpse of insight or acknowledgement that He is near. But for me, these special times are not long enough or full enough. Somehow LIFE gets in the way - distractions remove me from the center, I become "disconnected". It is a constant struggle to get back to the source and connection. Why does it have to be this way? Why must I feel incomplete?

I have always loved Isaiah 40:31 "...they will soar on whings like eagles..." this scripture so perfectly captures my soaring Chara times. Just like the eagle stretches its wings and floats on the warm air currents, so do I spread my wings and lean out to be carried by the Spirit and soar.

Soaring like an eagle gives perspective. It allows us to remove ourselves to a height that gives us access to the bigger picture - to see outside ourselves to the greater plan. It is restful, it is exhilarating, it is beautiful...but eventually it must come to an end - and generally we are left on a high precipice where we wait patiently (or maybe impatiently) for the next current.

Waiting on that precipice is the hard part. It is isolating. I can only assume that times on that ledge are meant for us to do some introspection and evaluation - to prepare for the next gliding experience.

This year Lent was a soaring experience for me and now I sit on a precipice, feeling anxious and ready to leap onto that current again...

You look like a Christian

I had an interesting experience last Friday evening when I attended a solidarity rally for the homeless in our city. I had been standing on a hillside listening to the speakers on the stage when a man came up to me and asked me if I had a cigarette I could sell him. I explained I didn't smoke and he had just started to move on when another homeless man came walking toward us. The man who had approached me turned to this new person and asked him for a cigarette. This time he was in luck, the new gentleman had just brought a new pack. They made their exchange and just as the man with the cigarettes was ready to move on he offered me a cigarette also. I explained that I didn't smoke and this man said the strangest thing. He said "I wasn't sure if you were with him - I thought you looked like a Christian."

Now this may seem like an innocent exchange - but for the past few days that comment has really stuck with me. "I thought you looked like a Christian..." What does a Christian look like? I hope his opinion wasn't based on my outside appearance. Quite frankly I was not at my best - no makeup, old jeans and a T-shirt, and I am pretty sure I looked tired from a long day at the office. To be honest, I probably looked more like one of the homeless I was there to support. So what made him think I was a Christian? Our conversation consisted of about 10 words total - no time to interpret my beliefs or witness any behaviour. So what could it have possibly been that allowed him to make that assumption? Surely it wasn't just the fact that I didn't smoke...