The One Who Fears

Today in our study on idols, the lesson concentrated on fear. And here is the interesting concept we are pondering - is fear an idol or the cement that bonds us to an idol. I had never really explored fear as a bonding agent before.

In our country today, fear is the basis of many of our life choices, daily habits, media focus...I mean it is EVERYWHERE!!! We have to eat right for fear of cancer or obesity or heart disease. We have to lock our doors and don't speak to strangers because we can't trust anyone. We take an extra 2 hours at the airport for fear that the airplane will be used as a terrorist statement. We worry and fear for our children's education because we fear they will not be able to become gainfully employed. We fear becoming bankrupt or not being able to support ourselves in our retirement. We fear other countries, we fear people who are different from us, we fear, fear, fear....in fact we fear SO MUCH that it has become an accepted state of mind. Fear has become the new normal. HOW DID WE GET THIS WAY!!!

Now to think that fear is a bonding agent, holding us tightly to our idols - that means that the idols are so numerous that we don't even recognize how much we have pushed God out of the way...

As we were asked today to review several scriptures that deal with fear. They were small slices of passages - from both the Old and New Testaments, and one thing that struck me was throughout the Old Testament, the Israelites were instructed to Fear God...but then in the New Testament, this all changed. Jesus often said - Fear Not, Do Not Be Afraid, etc. etc....so why did this change? Well, one thought I have is that if fear is a bonding agent - then it was most appropriate for God to tell the Israelites to fear HIM, the one and only God. The fear is what bound them to Him instead of other gods...but then the GOOD NEWS comes to us through Jesus - and through Jesus, and the Holy Spirit, God resides in us - so he is bound to us outside of fear. The need for the bonding agent has been replaced by the infusion. We are born again and need fear no more.....I love that (but oh if I could just live that!)

My favorite scripture, of the ones we studied on fear was 1 John 4:18 but to get the full effect, it is important to go back and read starting at verse 15:

If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love, lives in God and God is in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgement; in this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

I LOVE this scripture - it is the Gospel in a nutshell...and it perfectly complements another of my favorite scriptures from John - John 15:10-11:

If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my fathers commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.

So to put this all in terms I can relate to (in my very limited brain) - it's like that old kid's game rocks/paper/scissors...seriously.

Love is paper
Our Heart is the rock
Scissors are fear

Love wraps around the heart - but can be "cut" by fear
The Heart can beat Fear

For The Glory of God

Well, I am stuck...

In this first week of the study "No Other Gods" we are asked to reflect on our skills, talents, resources, passions and areas of expertise. Well - I am stuck on what my "talent" is...

It is not like I can do anything that is an obvious "talent" - I don't sing, dance or write poetry. I am not an artist or actress. I can't use power tools. I don't have a knack for decorating. I am a fair cook - but not by any stretch a chef. I really would never consider entering a talent show.

So - I am stuck...can't figure out the answer to the talent question. But is talent really important? Maybe having no talent is a blessing...it keeps me more on the track of humility. Because I think if I had a real awesome talent I might be tempted to become prideful or selfish. Perhaps I would start taking full credit for whatever product my talent created. Perhaps my talent would become one of my idols - consuming my life while I basked in the shining light of myself. The spotlight would be turned on me instead of outward as a reflection of God.

But I am not off the hook with no talent - it doesn't allow me to reduce my efforts or excuse my inaction because 1 Corinthians 10:31 says "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." SO - WHATEVER I DO (talentless person that I am) should be for the glory of God. Now this is a different can of worms to work through.

How do I do all things for the glory of God? What does that look like? How do I shine God's light outside myself into the world? How do I use the (minimal) skills I posses to further HIS glory - not my own? These are all "heart" questions and can be piercing realities to sift through. I have no answers now, but hope to at least dig down a level or two.

Today - in a book I am reading "After You Believe" by N.T. Wright, this quote struck home with me as to the reason we are asked to have no "idols" and why it is so critical to become God centered and evaluate my own skills and talents for their purpose:

"...just as ancient rulers might place statues of themselves in far-flung cities to remind subject peoples who was ruling them, so God has placed his own image, human beings, into his world so that the world can see who its ruler is. Not only see, but experience. Precisely because God is the God of generous, creative, outflowing love, his way of running things is to share power, to work through his image-bearers, to invite their glad and free collaboration in his project."

Image-bearer of God...now that is something to ponder. God does not want us to craft idols in any form because WE are his statues. WE reflect Him to the world....

Peacock Feather or Violin

Lately I have been practicing Centering Prayer - a special prayer practice that is similar to meditation but with a different destination point. In meditation, one quiets the soul in a search for total self awareness - but in Centering Prayer one is silencing oneself in a search for total God awareness. Meditation - all about self... Centering Prayer - all about God.

The struggle against self has always been the biggest obstacle in my spiritual journey. It always seems to come back to this. This is why I am appreciating this time working on Centering Prayer. In order to reach the point of equanimity - where you reach full realization that there is nothing that is NOT God - I have to push my "self" out of the way. That's a lot of pushing for me...

In one of the books I am reading on Centering Prayer - "Centering Prayer and Inner Awakening" the author Cynthia Bourgeault warns to be wary of peacock feathers - those times when your ego is smugly glowing within its comfort zone. This can be tricky stuff - because sometimes these peacock feathers can seem like really good things - the high from a "God Moment" that you want to share with others, satisfaction that you did the right thing, serving diligently in church, helping others - all these can be peacock feathers if "self" is the center of the story and not God. The thing about peacock feathers is that they can be admired by others, and are truly beautiful to look at, but they are only important to and controlled by the peacock - and they don't invite others to join in.

Now violins on the other hand are more representative of where the Centering Prayer will take you. Violins produce beautiful soothing melodies that allow music from the Master to flow into the surrounding and be absorbed by those within its hearing. Violins promote harmony and community (even symphonies !). A violin requires dependency on the violinist to play the notes and recognizes it is useless without the Master - and that any recognition is not for the violin itself, but for the music it helps to create.

Quieting the inside noise

I have been spending this summer learning about prayer - particularly about Centering Prayer. More on that will come in a future blog post once I have absorbed and digested all I am processing. In the meantime I came across the most awesome poem that speaks to where I am right now in my journey. I never really thought about the danger of "spiritual materialism" - that desire to repeat spiritual experiences just for the sake of acquiring them the same as we would acquire other goods. It didn't occur to me that this could actually begin to build a wall between myself and my Master. So that is what I am processing through right now, how to become pure in the cave of my heart as well as the cave I occupy on earth...

This poem is by Rabindranth Tagore:

Time after time

I came to your gate with raised hands,
asking for more and yet more.

You gave and gave, now in slow measure, now
in sudden excess.

I took some, and some things I let drop; some
lay heavy on my hands;

Some I made into playthings and broke them
when tired;

Till the wrecks and hoards of your gifts grew
immense, hiding you, and the ceaseless
expectation wore my heart out.

Take, oh take - has now become my cry.

Shatter all from this beggar's bowl;

Put out the lamp of the importunate
watcher

Hold my hands, raise me from the
still gathering heap of your gifts

Into the bare infinity of your uncrowded

Presence

Micah 6:8

Micah 6:8 is a tiny scripture in word count, but a towering mountain in Word meaning. As Mike Moses told us this week at worship, Micah 6:8 stands tall amongst other scripture when we are reading to understand how we should live as Godly people.

I love this scripture - it is a prime example of the paradox of the Word. On a surface level it appears simple enough, but the very nature of the statement draws the reader in to savour and chew on the meaning. Three simple phrases combined in such a way that we realize, just as with the Trinity itself, to follow their direction requires a unique intertwining that creates a completeness that can't be accomplished when held separately.

Do Justice, Love Mercy, Walk Humbly...this is how we are to live.

The first thing to jump out at me as I read this scripture is the associated verb with each noun. DO justice, LOVE mercy, WALK humbly. How do I DO justice? What does it mean to LOVE mercy? And how do I WALK humbly?

It seems that each of these three expectations are dependent on each other, and while justice and humility have outward definable actions, it is the mercy that gently weaves between them creating a magical tapestry.

It is interesting that the prophet did not say SHOW mercy - he said LOVE mercy. Loving mercy is an inward, soul defining action. You must LOVE mercy with such a passion that it exudes your every action. When you LOVE mercy, there are no questions to what you should do in any situation...and when you LOVE mercy doing justice and walking humbly are natural outcomes.

If I LOVE mercy, my natural inclination will be to help those who are the weak and vulnerable and in need of mercy. In order to gain their trust I must WALK humbly, never implying that they are any less of a person than I am. Once in this relationship of trust, I can better understand cicumstances and issues that might improve or prevent continued vulnerability - and then I can DO justice by helping to bring awareness to injustices that exist.

Lessons From My Father

Today my father will make that journey from the comforting presence of his family to the comforting arms of his Saviour.

This past week as I have sat beside my daddy and reflected on our memories I can see the impact that his unspoken actions have had on my own value system.

My dad was a true "Scots-Irish" character. Not one to waste anything - including words - he was forthright and brief with his opinions (unless of course he was telling a joke or a story, in those cases he instead drew the listener in and played with them while his eyes twinkled and he waited for just the right moment to deliver the punch line). No - my dad was much more effective in teaching through his actions. So here are a few of the life lessons I will always remember from my dad.

1. Honor your parents. I will always remember the weekly trips my father made to his parents. When they were still in their home he took care of all their yard work. Later when my grandma was living with my aunt he made sure we were all there each Sunday to visit and bring her favorite treat of "Klondike" ice cream bars (which also just happened to be his favorite as well).

2. Stand for your convictions, but don't belittle those who disagree with you. This is a lesson I think we could use more of today. Again, harkening to his Irish roots, my dad had very strong political opinions. While he would never sway from his beliefs, and always enjoyed verbally sparring with others (especially my uncle on my mothers side who had completely opposing views), he generally managed to leave the argument on good terms with his opponent. Somehow a wink and a smile and a general understanding to "agree to disagree" were everpresent tools in his arsenal.

3. When life hands you lemons - make lemonade. One of the strongest character traits of my dad was his determination to move forward. He never sat and wallowed or complained about circumstances. That is not to say he wasn't angry or upset, but rather that he wouldn't let anything stop him from moving forward. At a particularly difficult time in his life when his career was in shambles, my dad just moved forward finding a way to still support our family (even digging ditches in hard manual labor at the age of 54 for a brief period). Nothing was beneath him to work to provide for our family and this determination actually resulted in a better circumstance that provided for his retirement.

4. Always say "I love you". This is a lesson my dad himself learned later in life. He was raised in a family that never much expressed physical emotions and so tender expressions were not something he was comfortable with. But God uniquely placed this "mans man" in a family of all women. This exposure brought out that tenderness that was buried deep inside and gradually wore down that gruff exterior. When I was in my early 40's at a cousin's funeral,my dad realized that he needed to tell us he loved us. From that day forward, my father never concluded a phone call or visit without a big "I LOVE YOU". It was like the flood gates had opened and he couldn't hold back.

5. The most important "sense" is your sense of humor. I think more than anything my father taught us to always, in any circumstances, be able to see the humor in life. That unique ability to view any life circumstance with an eye to the irony or humor is something I will cherish from my dad. There is nothing more valuable than laughter in life...

Thank you daddy for these lessons you have taught. I will miss you terribly but will be comforted knowing you will be in a better place.

I LOVE YOU!

A Mother's Heart

Tomorrow is Mother's Day.

Recent events have pushed me this year to reflect more deeply on the strength and resiliancy required for a mother's heart. There is a unique bond between mother and child that can not be described to anyone who has not experienced carrying a life inside their body and then through the miracle of birth releasing them to the world. A mother's heartbeat through the gestation process provides the life source for this child, and once that cord is severed a mother's heart must beat differently - separately - but still in rhythm with that child's every need.

A mother's heart must be strong enough to absorb hurts and disappointments.

A mother's heart must be tender enough to provide mercy in times of pain.

A mother's heart must be resiliant enough to mend the breaks and tears of brokeness.

A mother's heart must be loving enough to withstand the storms of rebellion and still reach with outstretched arms.

A mother's heart must be patient enough to let each day stand for itself.

These past months my mother's heart has been through the wringer...and sometimes I have been afraid to see the "EKG" of that beat pattern. I imagine there have been moments of flatlines and other moments of erratic peaks. But through it all, I have felt God's presence, His special "love notes", his unique defibrillator that has placed my mother's heart back in rhythm.

This past week, as we reached the climax of a particularly difficult crisis with my son, I especially found that the Lord was sending messages through His Word. But what is most perplexing is that the scriptures I was lead to each day were not specifically for my mother's heart, but rather were perfect Word for my son. The irony - one of God's favorite tools I think - is that right now these words of scripture would not be "heard" in my son's own heart, so I must store them in my own for safekeeping. They are treasures that must be protected and released when they will arrive on fertile ground. So I am reminded of another mother, the most awesome earthly mother, who also kept special treasures stored in her heart for some future moment in time. Luke 2 v 10 tells us that after the shepherds came and told of their vision from the angels, Mary "treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart."

I can relate to Mary on this Mother's Day...

Living In The Moment

I am sitting in a strange time, sandwiched between a crisis of my father’s health and a crisis of my son’s poor decisions. Two opposite stages of life’s spectrum pushing at me as I am caught in the middle trying to be a good child and responsible parent at the same time.

God’s irony is not lost on me that my father and my son - who even have very similar dispositions – are leaning on each other during this time, mutually dependent for survival. I consider it a small blessing that my son is able right now to assist with the care of my father – and through this experience I am praying that my son will mature. So in this particular blessing I do see the handiwork of God, and I can feel the certainty that we are travelling in God’s greater story. As I reflect on this specific congruence of circumstances I have a glimpse of understanding that I must always be searching for where the connections are to God’s story rather than where He is connecting to mine.

Yesterday’s events gave me specific understanding of what “Living in the Moment” really means.

Having spent the morning with my father as we travelled to yet another doctor appointment, I noticed how my 89 year old father spends his “awake” time. Limited now to life in a wheelchair, with need of attendants for every human function, and suffering from dementia, it is difficult to imagine life from inside my dad’s psyche. This one-time “macho” man – policeman, sportsman, joke-telling Irishman- now spends his days barely speaking, mostly sleeping, and at the total mercy of those who care for him and their decisions for how he will spend his day.

Here is a survival tip I am learning from my dad – live only in the moment. Take each individual second and absorb it completely before it passes on.

I watched my father yesterday as we were seated in the waiting room, very attentively observing his surroundings, deeply concentrating on every printed poster, picture or person in his immediate surroundings. He was capturing the moments…not to store them for future reference, because the dementia has robbed him of that delight, but to live them for what they are in and of themselves. Fleeting moments that happen then move on. This morning I came to these words from Psalm 144 (v4) that seemed to capture my dad’s current state:

Man is like a breath;
His days are like a fleeting shadow

My dad has given me a glimpse of understanding of our positioning in God’s story.
Another shadow of learning came from the opposite side of the spectrum as I spent the afternoon in a different type of office with my son. As we work through a personal crisis of my son’s, a result of living too much in the moment without consideration of consequences or dangers, I see the second half of the equation.

While my father’s situation is like “breathing in” the moment, life requires a two-part action in order to survive. There is also the essential “breathing out” through our active responses to the moments of life. As we “breathe in”…observe and concentrate without taking for granted any of our surroundings…we must then “breathe out” in response to this glory we have observed. Our outward responses must be cognizant of the blessings we are surrounded with that impulsive and self serving actions can destroy.

So God, I thank you for this strange place you have placed me in to be able to observe and learn from these two men in my life. I am “breathing in” your glory and your love, working to absorb your wonder; and “breathing out” my amazement that even in these stressful circumstances you provide insight and comfort that “this too shall pass” in the fleeting shadow of life.

One day a great promise will be fulfilled with complete joy and understanding. Until that time I must continue “breathing in” and “breathing out” these moments of life.

Virtuoso Christian

I am presently immersed in a book on spiritual reading by Eugene Peterson called "Eat This Book". It is a challenging foray into the world of scripture as the source of our energy - where we consume the Word and then allow it to work from the inside out as we integrate ourselves into God's story.

Peterson shares a quote from Frances Young's book Virtuoso Theology that has really stuck with me as a metaphor for my own life:

Everyone recognizes the difference between an accurate but wooden performance of say, Mozart's Violin Concerto No. 1, and a virtuoso performance by Yitzak Perlman. Perlman's performance is not distinguished merely by his technical skill in reproducing what Mozart composed; he wondrously enters into and conveys the spirit and energy - the "life"- of the score. Significantly he adds nothing to the score, neither "jot nor tittle".

What a perfect metaphor for what we aspire to as pilgrims - to become virtuoso performers of the Word. It is not enough to merely know the scripture, or be able to quote chapter and verse, or to be able to exegete with the original Hebrew or Greek, or to take time every day to read scripture as a discipline...while all of these are admirable accomplishments they are not what separates a virtuoso from a regular musician. A virtuoso can take the musical notes, absorb them into his soul, contemplate on them until they permeate his being and then pour them back out through his instrument in a way that others can embrace the joy and the satisfaction they feel when the notes touch their ears.

I want to one day be that virtuoso that others may be able to capture the joy and satisfaction of the love that fills my soul.

In Between Times

Here I sit on the day between Good Friday and Easter Sunday...

What does this day represent? It is a day with no special meaning on the Christian calendar and yet I think its very lack of identity or specialty speaks volumes to our mandate and what our own lives represent.

The first Christians spent this day within the confines of their religion. They honored the Sabbath. I imagine it was difficult to fully worship and honor God when they felt totally desolated by the loss of their hope for a saviour. The sense of abandonment that had to permeate their every thought. The roller coaster of emotions must have been churning through their bodies...despair, frustration, anger, grief, helplessness, guilt, fear, abandonment, resignation and maybe even bitterness...all these emotions tumbling over and over through their hearts.

But they responded to these emotions by returning to the basics of their faith. They honored God by honoring the Sabbath. They returned to what they did know - and this forced rest would require them to address these emotions within the the context of their relationship with Him. This special positioning of the Sabbath day in between Good Friday and Easter Sunday allowed God to once again take control of the "story". Honoring the Sabbath in the aftermath of the crucifixion required total submission to God and his authority.

So what does all this mean to me - an Easter Child?

As I sit here in my own "in between" time what can I learn from these first followers?

When I come to times of hopelessness or despair, I should return to my faith. I can employ the rhythm and ritual that has been created to embrace me and comfort me in difficult times. It is much better to practice the elements of my religion even when my heart might not be engaged, because the ritual will hold me tight within the shelter of His love. Rather than turning away or rejecting God, I should instead submit to Him and acknowledge His great authority.

As Christians we are all "in-between" times, living between the first and second coming of Christ. Our actions will reflect our attitudes and our hearts. Just as the first Christians outwardly expressed their submission to God by honoring the Sabbath after a devastating loss, we should be outwardly expressing our conviction that our individual stories are but a sentence of God's greater story - one that has a perfect and eternal happy ending.

Back to Work!

As we are working through this study of the book of Esther, I have at times wondered why the title wasn't "Mordecai" instead - it seems that underlying all the action in this book is the character of Mordecai. He has provided the leadership example of someone who is secure in their relationship with God.

This is no small detail as we wonder about Mordecai's biography. He was completely raised outside the Hebrew culture - in captivity. While the traditions and beliefs would have been handed down to him, it would not have been in the same context as his ancestors since he was living in an alien land (by choice) and therefore was not surrounded by those of the same belief, but instead he daily worked and dealt with those who worshipped many other gods. In spite of these surroundings, Mordecai's faith was secure.

I marvel at the sequence of the events we have seen from the announcement of the decree in chapter 4 for the annihilation of the Jews. Mordecai's actions are a lesson to each of us on the stages of response as we release our tribulations to God's will.

First Mordecai dressed in sackcloth and begain weeping and mourning loudly in the streets. He was projecting his sorrow out as far as he could. He wanted to bring attention to God of his fears, worries and grief over what was to come. That is a proper response for any of us in times of hopelessness - we must bring these emotions out and present them to God.

But, it is the next actions that teach the most to me about faith. After he has advised Esther and hears her response, he goes from outward wailing to inner reflection with the three day fast and prayer. The fast, which would seem to be a physically weakening action actually serves as a strengthening agent. During this time of fast and prayer Esther wasn't the only one who received the inner fortitude to carry out God's plan. In chapter 6 we begin to see that Mordecai also has achieved an inner calm that allows him to flow within the Spirit to be carried through the circumstances.

Can't you just imagine his inner trembling when Haman brought the royal robes and horse to him? I wonder what his first thoughts were when he was told to put them on and get on the horse. We don't get to know specifically what he did, but I imagine that at this point he was fully relinquished to God's hand. I imagine that while he was paraded through the street with the chorus of "This is what is done for the man the king delights to honor", that Mordecai secretly in his heart received this as a sign from God that He had heard their plea and was working a plan for redemption to save the Jews from destruction. I am certain that Mordecai was humbled by the awareness of this awesome acknowledgement and would have been filled with a sudden calming spirit that allowed him to go right back to work at the kings gate as if nothing had happened...

What a lesson for me. Instead of presenting my prayers and concerns and then continuing to try to solve them myself, if I truly turn them over to His will I can just go on living my daily life with an eye out for how God is responding. Rather than force the actions I should sit back and receive them. Flowing instead of forcing. Trusting instead of worrying.

Who Knows?

DESTINY

Seven small letters forming a word with such huge impact.

Destiny is a scary word. It implies greatness and helplessness at the same time.
To me, destiny is associated with significance. To fulfill a destiny, to follow a destiny, to be "destined" to be part of something has always implied an action within an event of such magnitude that only God could have mandated the circumstances. Destiny requires big decisions - major crossroads, and complete releasing of self into the winds of circumstance (or the Spirit of God).

Destiny is something that real important people come to realize - but maybe not the average, everyday, middle class citizen - right? Not so sure about that...

I like the word PURPOSE better than destiny. It fits my lifestyle more. It is not such a scary, weighty, intimidating word. When I think of finding my purpose, it implies to me that I have found what I am supposed to be working on (or in), my purpose is my reason I am here - and for some reason I can relate much more in my daily living to a "purpose" than to a "destiny". Perhaps because daily living in a purposeful life still requires that I have input, I make choices, I have more control (and as a "Type A" that is a big factor). With destiny - it seems that the control has been handed over completely to God, and so with destiny,in my mind, we are working on something either bigger than life or concluding the purpose of life.

But maybe I am wrong about destiny - and who it applies to. Maybe each of us, the great and the not so great, have a destiny. It doesn't have to be something that becomes world renowned, heroic, or of giant magnitude. Maybe it is just a simple gesture or act of kindness - or maybe that I listen carefully each day for that pressing on my heart so I can be a small tooth on the giant gear of life that continues the momentum of the church in mission. Maybe that is destiny too.

I am always amazed when there are serendipitous moments in my life. I attribute them to the Spirit, and sometimes I see God smiling down because He knows I just need a little extra help getting the point ;-) but in my morning time I work through two different devotion books and here are the excerpts from October 10:

"We need to find our place in God's purpose, receptive and open to His direction and inspiration; and all creation waits as it were on tiptoe in excited anticipation of what can happen if we assume the destiny for which we were created, and stand as 'sons of God'. We become 'Christ carriers'. (From "Aiden Readings: October 10" from the book "Celtic Daily Prayer")

Ezekiel 37:14 - I will put my spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it declares the Lord

"The ability to let go, to abandon oneself in faith and obedience, creates a heart that is docile and humble. Both notions are fairly foreign to our independent, stubborn, self reliant spirits. Both virtues are fairly absent in our assertive, self-confident, self-indulgent circles. But uncovering their meaning and their message to us twentieth century Christians is crucial for a spirituality of our times." From "Every Bush is Burning" by John Puls

So I have been given much to ponder...I don't find it any small coincidence that these quotes were delivered during the same week I am studying about DESTINY in the book of Esther.

A Broad Brush

All day today I have been contemplating this statement from Beth Moore:

"God calls us by name. Satan and his hordes see us as numbers."

WOW. That single statement can be applied to a lot of issues in our contemporary society. Isn't this exactly part of the problem in America today? Mass generalizations made, painting people with broad brush strokes of assumptions without recognizing individuals? Doesn't it seem that we categorize people first, make judgements on what they represent and decide whether we will like them or not based on what box we have placed them in?

That is how to whip a frenzy, that is how to create dissension, that is how to accelerate hatred and meanness, by eliminating the personal stories. By painting a group of people with broad brush strokes of stereotypical fodder we force our own preconceived image of their motivations and opinions without giving them benefit of providing unweighted input. This is why there is so much anger and vehemence rising in the public dialog in our country.

And that is SO NOT Jesus' way is it...throughout the gospels we see that Jesus works one on one. He listens individually to each persons story. He responds individually to each of their needs. One-on-one. That is the way to the truth and to true relationship.

It is easy to get caught up in painting with broad brush strokes. Personal relationship takes so much time and intention - are we working this essential out of our society by our very "business"? Can we get it back before it is too late? When was the last time I just chucked my "to do list" and called a friend to sit down for a chat - no purpose, no agenda, no special reason...just to visit. Better yet, when have I ever attempted to do the same with someone I perhaps didn't agree with philosophically or politically in order to really hear their point of view? It is something I think I need to ponder and pray over.

Circles of Influence

Much of my reflection time this week has concentrated on the uncanny correlation between this Bible study of Esther and the sermon series at church.

The first two chapters of Esther provide very concrete evidence of the importance of our circle of influence in our lives. Xerxes is a perfect example of the dangers of surrounding ourselves ONLY with those who think the exact same as we do. Our very humanness requires that we continue to challenge our thoughts and also our convictions.

So - first the lesson from Xerxes as I see it...

Chapter 2 of Esther begins: "Later when the anger of King Xerxes had subsided, he remembered Vashti and what she had done and what he had decreed about her." With the knowledge of context that Beth Moore has provided, this scripture TAKES ON A WHOLE NEW MEANING from what would be inferred if we just read the scripture as a continuance from the conclusion of Chapter 1.

When taken in the context of history, we realize that "Later" was FOUR YEARS LATER, and the "anger of King Xerxes" may also have been referring to the results of 4 failed conquests of the King into the surrounding Greek empire. The entire purpose of the King in Chapter 1 was to not only display his power to all, but to gather them in to support his efforts to expand the empire. We know from Chapter 1 that he had surrounded himself with "yes men", trusted advisors who pumped up his ego and always wanted to make him happy. That is a huge danger, especially when in a position of leadership. So note in Chapter 1 - who was the only person who didn't do this? Queen Vashti! She "refused" to come when beckoned. We never really know why, but now in Chapter 2 perhaps we have another clue. Four years down the road, King Xerxes "remembered what she had done and what he had decreed about her" I actually think the second part of the scripture is more signficant - and offer a contrarian interpretation of the first part. Perhaps what King Xerxes was "remembering" was that Queen Vashti had been the only one in his life that dared to challenge his thoughts and whims. Perhaps he was slowly realizing that he needed someone around who questioned him rather than blindly following and supporting him. These significant failures needed someone to blame and he didn't have anyone around him to lay blame on except himself...dangerous situation for someone with such ego.
And since he was "remembering what he had decreed" he also realized that he lost the resource of bringing her wisdom back to the picture. He had no advisor who would be honest and provide necessary challenges to work through his wacky ideas.

Instead of wise council, Xerxes has his "seven dwarfs" who are continuously working to keep him happy. What a disservice - but totally understandable from a survival perspective. If they allowed the king to be unhappy too long, his ego would require that he find someone to blame and they would not want it to be themselves!! So of course right away they suggest he find a replacement. What a great diversionary tactic! I can imagine the seven nobles in their private time coming up with this idea. Let's get him a queen, let's keep him occupied with the "try-outs" as long as we can to stop this other nonsense of going to war...

How perfect! Keep the king occupied with checking out beautiful virgin after virgin.,,sort of "The Bachelor" on steroids!!! I am sure that in all this ego feeding frenzy of working through the virgins, someone else would be left to running the empire -and I am quite certain those seven nobles were working hard on that.

Xerxes need for his ego to be fed, to be constantly confirmed in his convictions, to be reminded how powerful he was, was actually depleting his power instead.

Now - how do I apply this to myself?

Well, as a type "A" personality, I too suffer from the need to be challenged, to be questioned, to be forced to dig deeper into my motives and actions. On a very personal level, this issue is at work in my family as we deal with the issues surrounding my parents. While one sister is challenging what we are doing, do I personally consider her objections or do I just blindly discount them because they oppose my own convictions. Is there truth that I might miss by not listening critically to what she has to say?

How about within my church?

I think that as a church, especially one as large as LFC, we can also become complacent, satisfied with the status quo, not questioning our own actions. This particular challenge was brought home to me this very week. I was blessed with meeting a woman who came from very far away (across an ocean and much of western Europe) to explore a conviction in her heart that an area in OUR VERY BACKYARD was in need of the HOPE of Christ. She wants to begin a mission in a trailer park right down the street from our church. How is it that someone from 6000 miles away can see a need in our very neighborhood? Here is her video:

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Now the challenge to LFC (and me personally), is how to respond to this questioning of ourselves. Will we discount her because she is not from within? Will we determine it is not our call and send her off? Will we reject her mission because it is not grand enough or romantic enough? Or will we take seriously the challenge presented, prayerfully request discernment and respond to the call within our community? I would like to hope that as a church we will not be like Xerxes and only listen to our own egos.

Once Upon A Time...

Life comes at you hard sometimes - and the past few months have been one of those times for me. So imagine my joy with the special gift of the book of Esther. A cuddly fairy tale located smack dab in the middle of the Bible! I have been reading this book while carrying the mental image of sitting in my dad's lap, with my head on his shoulder - a child again - just resting in his embrace, secure in the knowledge that I don't have to carry the world on my own shoulders. A good story always helped me sleep at night as a child and it is no different with this special scripture tale!

Chapter 1 has all the necessary elements of a traditional tale - there is a king, a queen and a magnificent palace. I can't quite categorize Queen Vashti yet - is she a good queen or an evil queen? What was she thinking by refusing to come when the king beckoned her? That would be a daring act even by today's standards! She is lucky to remain alive with that insubordination. I wonder why she did that?

HOPE

HOPE is a popular word these days. It was the centerpiece of a successful presidential campaign, it was the catch phrase in a recent book I read by N. T. Wright "Surprised by Hope", the potential for hope or lack of hope seems to be the common thread through all our public discourse. What will bring hope to an economic situation, how can we alleviate hopelessness in a personal crisis, where is the hope...

This week we were asked to reflect on our own hope as Christians - what is the reason for my hope? I have been contemplating that a lot this week, my hope, and have found this to be a difficult task to really define specifically as it relates to my personal faith.

I think there is a huge difference between hoping for something and hoping in something. But somehow both phrases complete each other as it relates to my faith. I HOPE IN Christ to love me, forgive me, help me, strengthen me, guide me, carry me through, teach me, and complete me. I HOPE FOR happiness, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness and most of all peace in my own life and in this world. In other words, through my trust IN Christ, I might receive the fruits of the Spirit and might also contribute to that fruit within this world.

Hope is defined as:

hope (hp)
v. hoped, hop·ing, hopes
v.intr.
1. To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.
2. Archaic To have confidence; trust.

I believe those two definitions together cover my own reflection on what hope is to me. As a Christ follower, each day I must place my confidence and trust IN Christ. This essential daily releasing then provides the possibility to "wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment". The SOMETHING being the key element in Christian hope. This SOMETHING to me represents the reconciliation of our world in its fallen state to the ultimate vision of God's promise of a kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.. That is my SOMETHING. That one day, this world will return to the Garden. That the pages between Genesis 1 and Revelation 22 will be completed and God in full Trinity will be with us.

This is the Gospel - that the reconcilliation is in progress and that one day it will be complete and that the doorway to this kingdom comes through Jesus Christ. He is the promise, He is the HOPE, He is the ONLY WAY to this paradise. It is the constant promise through scripture for thousands of years.

Just this morning in my quiet time I was lead to this scripture from Jeremiah (emphasis mine):

31 "The time is coming," declares the LORD,
"when I will make a new covenant
with the house of Israel
and with the house of Judah.

32 It will not be like the covenant
I made with their forefathers
when I took them by the hand
to lead them out of Egypt,
because they broke my covenant,
though I was a husband to [a] them, [b] "
declares the LORD.

33 "This is the covenant I will make with the house of Israel
after that time," declares the LORD.
"I will put my law in their minds
and write it on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.

34 No longer will a man teach his neighbor,
or a man his brother, saying, 'Know the LORD,'
because they will all know me,
from the least of them to the greatest,"
declares the LORD.
"For I will forgive their wickedness
and will remember their sins no more."

Thousands of years ago, God shared his vision of the final days - that one day "they will all know me, from the least of them to the greatest". This is our hope, and this defines our purpose. To live our lives each day in confidence and trust that through Jesus we will be part of the kingdom where ALL will know God from the least to the greatest, and this is what we wish for with "expectation of it's fulfillment".

That is my hope

Wild Abandon

The other morning during my quiet time, the selected reading from my devotional book was this:

Father, I abandon mmyself
into Your hands.
Do with me what You will,
whatever You do, I will thank You,
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only Your will be done in me,
as in all Your creatures,
and I'll ask nothing else, my Lord.

Into Your hands I commend my spirit;
I give it to You
with all the love of my heart,
for I love You, Lord,
and so need to give myself,
to surrender myself into Your hands
with a trust beyond all mesure,
because You are my Father.

Charles de Foucauld

I realized as I read the words that they were empty and hollow sounding coming from my own mouth. I could read them, but I knew that my heart was not engaged in the meaning. I am not yet capable of that complete release, and I am not quite certain exactly what is holding me back. Is it pride? Is it fear? Maybe a little of both?

One of my breakthrough moments of faith came several years ago when I removed God from his "superman" uniform and realized that He was not to be reserved for big emergencies, but that He was a jealous God and wanted to be involved in all parts of my life. I still get that - and this might sound silly, but I have no problem allowing God in all parts of my life - as long as it remains MY LIFE. But to now sit and say that I totally abandon myself and my life to Him...well that is a very scary proposition. I am not quite ready to say that "I am ready for it all" and I am especially not prepared to say "I'll ask nothing else"...and yet I am fully aware that this commitment is what I am working towards as I continue this pilgrimmage. The journey is the destination (or something like that). Each day a little more of my "self" is chisled and chipped away and I will know that I am close to arriving when I can read those words with full engagement of my heart and my mind.

It's all GREEK to me...

Sometimes I think we are at an extreme disadvantage with English as a native language. There are just not enough words to accurately express our emotions or feelings.

Joy is one of these words that English just doesn't do justice.

I have always equated joy with happiness or excitement. It is sort of a verb/adjective - joy has always been an action word for me.

But Chara joy is something more than this. It is a sustaining feeling that is continuous and not dependent on circumstances (like happiness or gladness which are fleeting and definitely circumstantial).

Chara is what Jesus was talking about in John 15:11 when he said "my JOY will be in you and your JOY will be complete".

I want that Chara joy - that sustaining, underlying, always there in every circumstance joy. When observed in others, Chara is a glowing presence, a serenity that can't be shaken, a "knowing" that comforts just by being near. That is what I desire - that total completeness.

Sometimes I feel that I have captured glimpses or snatches of Chara...these are times of "soaring" for me; brief expanses of abandonment when I feel totally carried by the spirit. During these experiences I feel closer to God, I see Him everywhere, I wake up with a song in my head and throughout the day will feel a calm contentment with my life - and also excitement when I capture a glimpse of insight or acknowledgement that He is near. But for me, these special times are not long enough or full enough. Somehow LIFE gets in the way - distractions remove me from the center, I become "disconnected". It is a constant struggle to get back to the source and connection. Why does it have to be this way? Why must I feel incomplete?

I have always loved Isaiah 40:31 "...they will soar on whings like eagles..." this scripture so perfectly captures my soaring Chara times. Just like the eagle stretches its wings and floats on the warm air currents, so do I spread my wings and lean out to be carried by the Spirit and soar.

Soaring like an eagle gives perspective. It allows us to remove ourselves to a height that gives us access to the bigger picture - to see outside ourselves to the greater plan. It is restful, it is exhilarating, it is beautiful...but eventually it must come to an end - and generally we are left on a high precipice where we wait patiently (or maybe impatiently) for the next current.

Waiting on that precipice is the hard part. It is isolating. I can only assume that times on that ledge are meant for us to do some introspection and evaluation - to prepare for the next gliding experience.

This year Lent was a soaring experience for me and now I sit on a precipice, feeling anxious and ready to leap onto that current again...

You look like a Christian

I had an interesting experience last Friday evening when I attended a solidarity rally for the homeless in our city. I had been standing on a hillside listening to the speakers on the stage when a man came up to me and asked me if I had a cigarette I could sell him. I explained I didn't smoke and he had just started to move on when another homeless man came walking toward us. The man who had approached me turned to this new person and asked him for a cigarette. This time he was in luck, the new gentleman had just brought a new pack. They made their exchange and just as the man with the cigarettes was ready to move on he offered me a cigarette also. I explained that I didn't smoke and this man said the strangest thing. He said "I wasn't sure if you were with him - I thought you looked like a Christian."

Now this may seem like an innocent exchange - but for the past few days that comment has really stuck with me. "I thought you looked like a Christian..." What does a Christian look like? I hope his opinion wasn't based on my outside appearance. Quite frankly I was not at my best - no makeup, old jeans and a T-shirt, and I am pretty sure I looked tired from a long day at the office. To be honest, I probably looked more like one of the homeless I was there to support. So what made him think I was a Christian? Our conversation consisted of about 10 words total - no time to interpret my beliefs or witness any behaviour. So what could it have possibly been that allowed him to make that assumption? Surely it wasn't just the fact that I didn't smoke...

Easter People...

This past Lent/Easter season has been a deepening journey for me. I have been trying to find the best way to describe what I have experienced these past 8 weeks and "deepening" is the closest I can come to the right word.

For the first time in my life, I spent Lent in an authentic seeking posture - diligently seeking Him through a personal revival study, experiencing the "pulling off and putting on" of Lent observance and even submitting to my first complete Fast in an effort to relate on a personal level to the suffering of Christ as well as my dependence on The Word and The Spirit. All of this effort is pushing me to a new and deeper level of faith - I am diving deeper into the depths of faith, no longer treading water on the surface.

So - now that Easter has passed, and we have joyously celebrated the GOOD NEWS! - I am meditating on what that really means for me as I move past the resurrection to the purpose and mission I am called to. What exactly is the GOOD NEWS? What is the "after Easter" story? Where do I go from here????

Well, another little aspect of my Lent experience came from a book by N.T. Wright called "Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church". On one hand I believe this has been most appropriate reading during the Lenten season, but on the other hand, the message of the book has really forced me to rethink all I have been taught culturally as an American Christian - and urged me in these new depths of water that I am swimming in to view the surroundings through a new lens, to re-read the Gospel with new perspective, to question and glory in these new surroundings and to come to an understanding of true purpose. This quote from the end of Chapter 14 in this book sums up my current state of being so well I must share it as the conclusion of this post:

What we all need from time to time is for someone...to say, "It's time to wake up! You've been asleep long enough! The sun is shining and there's a wonderful day out there! Wake up and get a life!"
The message of Easter, then, is neither that God once did a spectacular miracle but then decided not to do many others nor that there is a blissful life after death to look forward to. The message of Easter is that God's new world has been unveiled in Jesus Christ and that you're now invited to belong to it. And precisely because the resurrection was and is bodily, albeit with a transformed body, the power of Easter to transform and heal the present world must be put into effect both at the macrolevel, in applying the gospel to the major problems of the world...and to the intimate details of our daily lives. Christian holiness consists not of trying as hard as we can to be good but of learning to live in the new world created by Easter, the new world we publicly entered in our baptism. There are many parts of the world we can't do anything about except pray. But there is one part of the world, one part of physical reality, that we can do something about, and that is the creature each of us calls "myself." Personal holiness and global holiness belong together. Those who wake up to the one may well find themselves called to wake up to the other as well.