How's Your Vision?

It has always amazed me that my husband and I will be driving down the road and he will suddenly point to the side of the road and say "Did you see that deer", or he will recognize a friend driving in a car going the other way, or he will comment on something the passengers are doing in a car up the road as we start to pass it by. I have never been able to see these things. When I am riding or driving in a car I am consciously focused on the driving, but subconsciously I am always "pinging" my sensory radar for feelings or emotions, how the music on the radio makes me feel, mentally checking off my "to do" list, thinking about my destination and what my plans are when I get there. My husband and I have two completely different ways of taking a journey. If we were to use a Myers Briggs evaluation, he is definitely and "S" and I am a "N" in the perception department. While he derives his environmental awareness from sight and the reality around him, I am much more aware of the feelings of the people we are with or the tone or emotions that fill a room.

When we go on vacation it is the same thing. Dan is intently focused on seeing all we can of the sights of the city we are visting. Each day will have significant time set aside to visit and explore all the different landmarks. I on the other hand want to talk to the people we meet and get to know more about their culture, what their days are like, what their interests are. When we return from our travels and share our memories with others, sometimes it seems like we were on separate vacations!!

I guess these different ways to be attentive in life also will affect our ability to "see" God in our presence here on earth. A Sensory person will "see" God in all his majesty in the beautiful sunsets, magnificent vistas, beautiful blosseming flowers, or a rainbow after a storm. An Intuitive person on the other hand will "see" God in emotions and behaviors, in reactions and moods, in patterns and coincidences. Neither type of sight is better or more relevant than the other, they are just different. The most important point is that whichever way we are wired, we are called to take time to develop our vision. We need to check our sight regularly to make sure it is operating properly.

I seem to move through attentiveness phases myself. There are times that I can daily grasp Gods presence almost as though I could touch him. As I sit in my morning devotion time I become amazed at how randomly selected scripture will just speak to a specific life issue I am dealing with (I just LOVE when that happens!). Then at other times, it is almost as though I am wearing blinders and can't seem to discern God's presence anywhere. Usually this happens when I am extremely caught up in activities, I begin to neglect my morning time because my schedule won't allow and I drift a little from my relationship. It is funny how that hole in my life will sometimes take a while to make itself known.

During the past year, I have been increasingly aware that I need to work on quiet, meditative times to increase my personal attentiveness. And for some reason, the urgency I am feeling towards this is increasing. This is a very frightening concept for me. Taking many hours to be completely alone with God. I am not sure what to do with myself during this silent retreat...I am a people person - putting me alone for extended periods of time with no distractions, no phone, no TV, no computer - well, that's just not something I am comfortable with. But I have been hearing this call in my heart (good thing I am not a Sensory person - or God would have to send me an official invitation, or write it in the sky, or maybe send a burning bush just to get my attention), and I am looking into the options for a day of meditation...just me and the Lord.